Archive for February, 2006
Seeing the Possible
Friday, February 24th, 2006The biggest fight with educaters about my autistic/aspberger son is getting them to see him not see The Condition. He is a smart boy who sees things in his own unique way. He has his own sense of humor. He works hard for everything he gets and learns.
Being realistic is BS. No realistic person ever invented anything. No realistic person ever conquered anything. No realistic person ever set a world record. No realistic person ever solved a world-changing mystery.
My son is capable of more than the limitations others impose on him. His survival is a miracle. His existence proof against realism. Here is another boy who is a miracle. Thank you to my brother for forwarding this awesome story.
Why do we impose limits we ourselves would hate imposed on us? It is so much more fun to see the possible. It’s even better to imagine the impossible and then doing it.
Authentic Life
Friday, February 24th, 2006“If I’m really myself no one will like me.”
This belief thwarts so many people on their road to happiness. Well intentioned people choose careers to please parents, chose spouses because it seems like the “right time” or “he’s a nice enough person” or fill-in-the-blank reason, choose all kinds of things for all the wrong reasons.
What if you were not held by any supposed constraints and did exactly what you wanted? What would you do? What would you say? What friendships would you pursue? What friendships would you leave behind? Where would you live? What would you believe? How would you act?
What if I told you that the only constraints upon your life are the ones you are making?
It is a true statement, whether you believe it or not. Oh, it is convenient to blame the boss, blame the wife, blame the in-laws, blame your race, sex, age, education level, cultural upbringing, religion, society, and mom, always mom, for the current state of your state of affairs. The only problem? Those things are external to you–which is precisely why we blame.
There is always a pay-off for every decision we make.
This statement is also true, whether you believe it or not. Choosing to staying in the job, to avoid fights with the wife, choosing to knuckle under to the in-laws, choosing to define yourself as what you perceive the world defines you (by your looks, money, occupation, culture, religion, gender, marital status, sexuality, whatever) pays off some how, otherwise, why do it?
We always make choices that feel safe and ensure survival even when the choices don’t make sense.
The body will not allow you to do something unless it helps support it and take care of it. It’s true. Somehow, you feel more safe in certain crazy situations. Perhaps the abusive in-laws work because you grew up in an abusive family–you might not like the abuse but you know the abuse and can deal with the abuse.
The body strives for homeostasis and new things causing change disrupt homeostasis.
So, while it might seem that you’ve gotten yourself into a strangely familiar terrible situation yet again, changing to a different situation requires a disruption. The body does not like a disruption–even one that is good for you. But to get to where we want to go we must disrupt, change and choose a new way.
Don’t underestimate the desire for sameness as a major factor interfering with authenticy and the true happiness that comes from being authentic. Don’t underestimate the other forces in your life that desire your sameness either.
When you change, you change your system–the system must change in order to keep you in it.
Some systems will rebel. The kids and hubby may have a fit if you say, “Okay folks, you’ll have to fend for yourself on Thursdays, I’m taking the painting class I want.”
Oh well. If you are feeling conflicted, ask yourself: is this new, authentic choice loving? Some might argue that the loving thing to do is to cook a meal on Thursday night for the fam. Others might argue that by bending to everyone elses’ needs all the time, you’re teaching your children to also live inauthentic lives, teaching them that their happiness depends on you, rather than themselves. Is this the belief you want to convey to your children?
Authenticity requires clarity. Who am I? What do I want? Why do I want it? It is soooo easy to say, “I don’t want this. I don’t want that.” The negative is much easier to define than the positive. But the negative is essentially playing “life defense”. You end up never making positive points–you just try to run away from short-term difficulty.
Authentic living frees you to use your talents. Why are you concerned about being judged by people? Why aren’t you concerned about what God will say about how you used your time and talents while on this earth?
Wouldn’t you like to be one of those brave people who walk through life utterly committed to your purpose? I know I would. I’m still working on it, but it is a worthy goal.
Airport Security: Noonon Vents
Friday, February 24th, 2006She writes the truth. Why do we have undereducated, no-talent-ass-clowns performing needless harassment for psychological ease when no ease results? There was a time when everyone was so hysterical that being patted down, and having your baby patted down too, and being separated from your children (I almost went postal when my kids stared terrified through the X-ray thingy and being shooed away from me) could almost be outweighed by supposed security measures. But when anyone of Middle Eastern descent waltzes through while grandmas and mothers with children get frisked IT PISSES ME OFF! We are due, in America, for a revolt. Peggy, lead the charge!
Rushed at Work and Gettin’ Nothin’ Done
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006Is life a treadmill? Yes it is. Can we stop it? Not sure we can. Difficult to get things done when life is intruded upon 24/7. Difficult to think a sane thought when you can’t finish it due to an interruption. I think a solution to this nonsense would be company-wide moratoriums on interruptions at a certain time of day.
When I was an executive assistant, I made an executive decision that pissed almost every one off except the executive: no one was to interrupt him for any reason. He would answer any and every question between one and two and he was to be ALWAYS available during that time. And he was. Otherwise any questions, complaints, blabbing had to wait.
A funny thing happened. Even during the one to two hour time Carl was interrupted less than before when he was interrupted ALL the time. The sales reps were forced to make decisions themselves. Other things that seemed like fires flamed out in the span of an hour or two. The sales people calmed down because they knew if something was important they would get an answer that day no matter what.
Everyone’s anxiety disapated. It was actually calm in the Sales Department. Who ever heard of that? If something did rise to crisis level it had to go through me. Now, if something really important got undealt with–it was MY fault. The sales people were off the hook and could relax. Likewise if silliness got presented to Carl and was unnecessary, my fault too.
Most of the time, I just helped the rep figure out the best answer him or herself. Oh! How smart they were. They were empowered. Everyone was happy.
As an aside, I instituted a once weekly vendor meeting with vendors I thought would help them sell the product better (network administration company). Oh, how the reps howled. For a while I was the most hated person in the company. But again, with the time circumscribed and helpful, they learned to love them. The nincompoops were weeded out. No more wasted time. The helpful ones, really helped–plus they often got a free lunch.
Another decision that made everyone crazy, I implemented a program where every sales person HAD to take an engineer with them at least once a month on a sales call with their BEST clients. Guess what? The engineers knew everything about the products and how to make it work. Sales went through the roof. Also, salespeople stopped griping about the “stupid engineers dragging their feet” and the engineers felt better because they could educate the reps.
Finally, every Monday morning for one hour the reps all got together with Carl. A pep meeting, a planning meeting, a “go forth and conquer” meeting. The hew and cry was almost unbearable. Almost. I’m a stubborn woman. Again, though, questions were answered, priorities made clear and then everyone was set loose.
After the first two months Carl said, “Melissa, I do believe everyone in this department has come to me complaining about you. You must be doing something right.”
Four months later, after the reps saw things work, we all be came fast friends. Trust was very high. The reps finally realized that the desire was for them to get more sales and to have the tools to do that.
The most important thing though, was a boss who let me do my job and supported me. He supported everyone else too, but they were too undisciplined and took advantage of it. By setting up some perameters, boundaries in psycho speak, everyone worked more efficiently, and ultimately happily.
I abhore wasted time and disrespect for other people’s time. It was so satisfying helping people achieve their dreams–even if it was only monitary goals set in a sales department. That was a fun job. I was low man on the totem pole, but so what? I got paid squat but so what? Challenging work, a free rein to do it, and a great boss–that is what people want more than money. The lack of these things results in rushed work with nothing done and frustration–sounds like the current business situation.
Media Self- Censorship AGAIN
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006This time, Alan Dershowitz and Bill Bennett, (!) agree on something we should all agree upon: self-censorship = Islamists win. Do you see where “tolerance” without morality can land you? In a neverneverland lacking decency and virtue and honor and full of violence and unchecked criminality travelling there along the paved road of good intentions.
HT: Instapundit
Nude Actresses
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006Let’s see, genetic testing so we can have male children (abort those worthless girls), put naked, nubile women on the cover of a magazine with a fully clothed man, what else lately to throw women back to the STONE AGE!
What are we neanderthals?
Oh yes, for careers, for money, for stardome, we’ll do anything, anything at all. Where are the feminists? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Down’s Syndrome….New Test Detects it Before 11 Weeks!
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006Yippee! Charmaine Yoest links to a father of a Down’s kid who tells his story and then lets you decide if these kids should end before they begin. I had a cousin with Down’s and when she died, the whole town was at her funeral. Everyone knew and loved her. Sharon was a gift to her family, her community, the world. Perfection comes in every kind of package.
Fathers and Sacrifices
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006Today we enjoyed celebrating Mr. Dr.’s birthday with thanksgiving. What a blessing to have a good, loving dad, right? This family highlighted by Michelle Malkin is not so lucky.
Hat-tip: Anchoress
She says, “There is so much to pray for.” Amen.
UPDATE: The family has a good and loving father…they were only luck for too short a time.
Census
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006Since this has been a day of senseless happenings, I thought I’d direct you to the crazy cats at the Census Bureau where Michael Barone pointed me and I’m pointing you to the current world population statistics. Wow! Lot’s of people…almost 6.5 Billion.
They also have some interesting statistics on economics and such. You’re tax dollars at work. Nice to know they’re doing something.
Denmark Deserves Support
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006Read more here. What an outrage the whole cartoon thing has been. Christopher Hitchens very clearly expounds. Drawings bad. Burning buildings, killing people, and generally being an uncivilized loon okay. The world has gone crazy!
