Comments on: More Education=Better Dads http://melissablogs.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/ Information Pollination Tue, 15 May 2012 21:56:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Anonymous http://melissablogs.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-4026 Anonymous Fri, 02 Jun 2006 14:45:00 +0000 http://www.melissaclouthier.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/#comment-4026 Would you be so kind to post the info that you spoke about. I would like to check into the seminars and therapist that you think are so great. Would you be so kind to post the info that you spoke about. I would like to check into the seminars and therapist that you think are so great.

]]> By: Christy're http://melissablogs.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-4023 Christy're Fri, 02 Jun 2006 01:07:00 +0000 http://www.melissaclouthier.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/#comment-4023 I agree with you, and I am beginning to think that there's just a general divide in critical thinking skills among people (not just men). There is often a divide between cause and effect in how we parent--the kids get to misbehave and not feel long-term effects of their behavior, so they don't learn to understand that cause and effect relation. I think many well-educated families make darn well sure to develop critical thinking skills in their kids, and stupid families just enable victimization. This in turn sets people up to make stupid decisions. It's a terrible cycle. I agree with you, and I am beginning to think that there’s just a general divide in critical thinking skills among people (not just men). There is often a divide between cause and effect in how we parent–the kids get to misbehave and not feel long-term effects of their behavior, so they don’t learn to understand that cause and effect relation. I think many well-educated families make darn well sure to develop critical thinking skills in their kids, and stupid families just enable victimization. This in turn sets people up to make stupid decisions. It’s a terrible cycle.

]]> By: Anonymous http://melissablogs.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-4020 Anonymous Thu, 01 Jun 2006 18:02:00 +0000 http://www.melissaclouthier.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/#comment-4020 You're right, I know what the post was about. I guess it just hit me when you spoke about sex before marriage, adultery, etc. It is a sensitive subject with me because I've always walked the straight line and have huge doubts about that now. My faith in God is not shaken only my view of human sexuality, purity and what responsibility we can take to fill our own needs. I can have orgasms on my own though, with the help of my wonderful vibrator...thank God!<br/><br/>Therapist have not helped me a bit. My husband is clever and he always turns it to make it look like I am the problem. Given my history, to anyone looking from the outside in, they may believe that too. I don't believe for one moment it is all me. You can give me the info that you have. I'll check into it...but unfortunatley, I am not very hopeful. I've tried almost everything and God only knows my knees are sore from all the praying I've done. You’re right, I know what the post was about. I guess it just hit me when you spoke about sex before marriage, adultery, etc. It is a sensitive subject with me because I’ve always walked the straight line and have huge doubts about that now. My faith in God is not shaken only my view of human sexuality, purity and what responsibility we can take to fill our own needs. I can have orgasms on my own though, with the help of my wonderful vibrator…thank God!

Therapist have not helped me a bit. My husband is clever and he always turns it to make it look like I am the problem. Given my history, to anyone looking from the outside in, they may believe that too. I don’t believe for one moment it is all me. You can give me the info that you have. I’ll check into it…but unfortunatley, I am not very hopeful. I’ve tried almost everything and God only knows my knees are sore from all the praying I’ve done.

]]> By: Parrothead Dad http://melissablogs.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-4019 Parrothead Dad Thu, 01 Jun 2006 16:59:00 +0000 http://www.melissaclouthier.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/#comment-4019 Not to over-simplify things, I think that educated fathers realize that, as with other things in their lives, that there is a positive relationship between input and output. Thinking about what your relationship is with your children and making sure that the results of your efforts are effective and amicable for both is important. Love for your children will help guide the way, but thoughtful P-A-R-E-N-T-I-N-G is a must! Unfortunatly, some fathers just don't get it. Not to over-simplify things, I think that educated fathers realize that, as with other things in their lives, that there is a positive relationship between input and output. Thinking about what your relationship is with your children and making sure that the results of your efforts are effective and amicable for both is important. Love for your children will help guide the way, but thoughtful P-A-R-E-N-T-I-N-G is a must! Unfortunatly, some fathers just don’t get it.

]]> By: Dr. Melissa http://melissablogs.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-4017 Dr. Melissa Thu, 01 Jun 2006 15:21:00 +0000 http://www.melissaclouthier.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/#comment-4017 This post was about parenting and fatherhood. Children fare better with their fathers in their lives. Better educated, smarter dads choose to be involved with their children. My solution, then, was to address those who are less intelligent--should these families (like is happening now) continue to abandon their children because they lack I.Q.? No. That is why the social contract of marriage is a good one. You don't have to be bright to do it.<br/><br/>Now, what happens in the marriage, between the partners is another matter entirely. You've put your finger on other problems: 1)women being unknowledgable about sexuality before marriage 2)lack of spousal communication 3)selfish men 4)pornography's impact. Why does gaining sexual knowledge always include fornication? (There are so many potential downsides--free sex AIN'T free.)How is it that the fact that your husband was a selfish pig only revealed itself on the wedding night? Surely there were some other indications. Finally, the pervasive impact of pornography can't be overstated. Since men and women are desensitized these days to every form of deviant sex, nearly every act is perceived as "normal" when a whole lot of it is "animal" and abusive. The problem is that what is distasteful for one couple might be fun for another. A self-respecting spouse has the right to say no to degrading sex acts.<br/><br/>Living a lifetime without an orgasm isn't fatal but sure is miserable. See a therapist and soon. If you need to, email me and if you live in the area, I can refer you to some fantastic therapists and even some great marriage seminars. You're only 46. That's young! Don't blame God or Christianity for your malaise, do something about it. You won't regret it. This post was about parenting and fatherhood. Children fare better with their fathers in their lives. Better educated, smarter dads choose to be involved with their children. My solution, then, was to address those who are less intelligent–should these families (like is happening now) continue to abandon their children because they lack I.Q.? No. That is why the social contract of marriage is a good one. You don’t have to be bright to do it.

Now, what happens in the marriage, between the partners is another matter entirely. You’ve put your finger on other problems: 1)women being unknowledgable about sexuality before marriage 2)lack of spousal communication 3)selfish men 4)pornography’s impact. Why does gaining sexual knowledge always include fornication? (There are so many potential downsides–free sex AIN’T free.)How is it that the fact that your husband was a selfish pig only revealed itself on the wedding night? Surely there were some other indications. Finally, the pervasive impact of pornography can’t be overstated. Since men and women are desensitized these days to every form of deviant sex, nearly every act is perceived as “normal” when a whole lot of it is “animal” and abusive. The problem is that what is distasteful for one couple might be fun for another. A self-respecting spouse has the right to say no to degrading sex acts.

Living a lifetime without an orgasm isn’t fatal but sure is miserable. See a therapist and soon. If you need to, email me and if you live in the area, I can refer you to some fantastic therapists and even some great marriage seminars. You’re only 46. That’s young! Don’t blame God or Christianity for your malaise, do something about it. You won’t regret it.

]]> By: Anonymous http://melissablogs.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-4015 Anonymous Thu, 01 Jun 2006 11:32:00 +0000 http://www.melissaclouthier.com/2006/05/31/more-educationbetter-dads/#comment-4015 Hmm, how do I say this. I agree with your post here because I was taught the same thing. But my experience has made me wonder. I am referring to your statement,<br/>"even stupid people can grasp simple moral truths-like it is wrong to have sex out of marriage", wrong to have adultry, wrong to divorce, etc.<br/>Because of my biblical background and convictions, I wanted to be a virgin when I married. When I married at 26, my virginity was to be a "special gift" for my groom.<br/>I wanted to be the "virtous woman" the scriptures teach. When my hymen broke on our wedding night, my newly husband was impatient and insensitive to all the pain and bleeding. Approaching nearly 20 years of marriage now, never having an orgasm with him, he contiues to beg for anal sex, spraying in my face, begging for me to swallow his cum and never wondering how any of this could make me feel. I've compromised to keep peace but some of the stuff I jus can't do. I feel my "gift" of staying a virgin as been waisted and utterly in vain. A friend of mine who had a minister for a father but religious teaching and convictions that differ from mine. She never was taught in her Mehtodist Christian home to upstain until marriage. She had a number of lovers before getting married and always had orgasms with her lovers as well as with her husband now. She even once told me that she thought I was weird for never having had sex aside from my husband. She said she would never teach her kids to wait till marriage but rather to practice safe sex. She believes that kind of biblical approach of teaching is harmful. I don't think it's harmful but in my case my "special gift" was not honored. It makes me wonder how to teach my daughter. I would never want her to experience what I have.<br/><br/> It seems like so many times in life, those who follow the rules get the shorter end of the stick. Those who don't seem to be freer in their approach to life. Why is that???? Damn it is hard!<br/>I hope this is not too plain for you. Just being real becasue I know I'm not the only "Christian" out there that has or is facing this delima. Hmm, how do I say this. I agree with your post here because I was taught the same thing. But my experience has made me wonder. I am referring to your statement,
“even stupid people can grasp simple moral truths-like it is wrong to have sex out of marriage”, wrong to have adultry, wrong to divorce, etc.
Because of my biblical background and convictions, I wanted to be a virgin when I married. When I married at 26, my virginity was to be a “special gift” for my groom.
I wanted to be the “virtous woman” the scriptures teach. When my hymen broke on our wedding night, my newly husband was impatient and insensitive to all the pain and bleeding. Approaching nearly 20 years of marriage now, never having an orgasm with him, he contiues to beg for anal sex, spraying in my face, begging for me to swallow his cum and never wondering how any of this could make me feel. I’ve compromised to keep peace but some of the stuff I jus can’t do. I feel my “gift” of staying a virgin as been waisted and utterly in vain. A friend of mine who had a minister for a father but religious teaching and convictions that differ from mine. She never was taught in her Mehtodist Christian home to upstain until marriage. She had a number of lovers before getting married and always had orgasms with her lovers as well as with her husband now. She even once told me that she thought I was weird for never having had sex aside from my husband. She said she would never teach her kids to wait till marriage but rather to practice safe sex. She believes that kind of biblical approach of teaching is harmful. I don’t think it’s harmful but in my case my “special gift” was not honored. It makes me wonder how to teach my daughter. I would never want her to experience what I have.

It seems like so many times in life, those who follow the rules get the shorter end of the stick. Those who don’t seem to be freer in their approach to life. Why is that???? Damn it is hard!
I hope this is not too plain for you. Just being real becasue I know I’m not the only “Christian” out there that has or is facing this delima.

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