Collective Shame–A Killer’s Mortified Family

I’ve read about V-Tech killer’s family being shamed. Evidently South Koreans are too. No one holds them responsible for his actions. He was a grown man, not a child. A shame culture, though, does contribute to the problem.

The notion of individual responsibility is a Christian and Democratic one. A family is not put on trial for a relative’s crime. Only one man pulled that trigger and that man was the criminal.

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Virginia Tech Massacre Reveals A Sick and Tired Society

I haven’t seen the controversial Cho videos–seeing the gun pointed at his own head picture on Drudge was enough for me. After watching the CNN interviews with Cho’s roommates, I decided that I didn’t want to watch any Cho anymore. And I haven’t. I said this yesterday and it sounds like I’m not alone in my belief:

He was rational enough to use and manipulate the media. He knew what they would do, and they did. (More here.) They worked as a team, Cho and the media. In fact, other murderous (crazy? sick? evil?) terrorizers use the media in a cold and calculating way, too. They, too, justify their actions and blame the victims. None of these people appear insane. They seem consumed by hate–so much so that they value no life, including their own.

The parents are rightly outraged at the glorification of the criminal. The criminal is always glorified in the media. Even I have dedicated two long posts (here and here) dissecting the societal explanation for such murderous behavior. Two posts reported the news (here and here). Two posts covered the victim’s families and remembering the heroes (here and here). And one post was philosophical. I’d like to think my blog has been balanced. If it were my child who had been shot, though, the notion of there even being “balance” would make me sick.

This is a story of one bad guy, a number of fallible authorities, many heroes, and scores of people who had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. For the latter a scripture in Ecclesiastes 9 is helpful:

11I again saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift and the battle is not to the warriors, and neither is bread to the wise nor wealth to the discerning nor favor to men of ability; for time and chance overtake them all.

Does that mean it doesn’t matter what we do with our gifts and talents cause we might die tomorrow? No. It does matter. And I, for one, believe a man like Professor Liviu Librescu, was meant to survive the Holocaust to save his fellow man. Everyone of his students lived because of his sacrifice. In his case, one life bought many. What a blessing he is to his family, his community and the world. His sacrifice mattered.

Still, as weak humans, we are all subject to time. We will all die eventually. Hebrews 9:27 says, “It is appointed for all men once to die; and then, the judgment.” So, good or bad, we will all die and answer for the life we’ve lived. If, by time and chance, we’re cut short by some evil-doer, it can be just a random evil. It doesn’t have to be reason-filled to die in this way–we are all affected by chance.

And still, ALL things work together for good for those who love God, to those called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) So even something so despicable and evil can give rise to something good. For a start, it would be nice if the media would acknowledge their accomplice-like behavior in elevating the brutal, evil and criminal. These days, the media coverage, more than the elimination of a rival, is the goal of the killer. For the media to collectively ignore that fact is such self-serving willful stupidity.

Additionally, for the media to obsess over guns when the problem is clear to everyone with eyes to see is politically driven garbage. An evil, psychotic (take your pick), vengeful man externalized his hate in a murderous rampage. Gun, knife, car, plane, hands, pick the weapon. The problem was a person. He alone bears responsibility for his decision. Every moral American sees this obvious fact.

The American public has been subjected to a barrage of biased coverage painting acts of stupidity as earth-moving (Imus) and minimizing atrocities by validating a killer’s externalizing of blame (Cho). And while Cho mowed down his fellow students at V-Tech, terrorist groups did the same thing in Iraq for the same reason: because they know that blood and guts gets the coverage. Americans are not stupid. They get where the press is coming from. Sometimes I think the MSM ups the amperage because they think that yelling will drive home the point. Everyone has got the point. They are just not buying it.

And the Press is not the only group who doesn’t get it. Congress grilled Gonzoles yesterday. Big whup. Another guy who doesn’t get it. Refuses to get it. (He sat there and defended the government’s action about the border patrol agents sitting in prison for shooting a drug runner in the ass while smuggling tons of drugs over the border.) The Democrats and Republicans collude to obscure transparency in their hallowed halls. They want to continue using American’s money without Americans knowing for what. Americans are sick of it and them.

Finally, under all these problems lies a foundation of politically correctness. No one can be labeled crazy or evil. That makes the powers that be nervous. Such concrete words. Such inflexible thinking. Well, there is evil in the world. In fact, the world is full of it and pretending it’s not there just exposes the good people to harm. How much fear of being branded a bigot stopped people from dealing with the Cho problem? How afraid are people now of being perceived as close-minded that they’ll ignore the evidence staring them in the face? Even more, how uncomfortable are we in the use of force that young, strong men are paralyzed in the face of evil? Yes. Men. A trained woman could have made a difference, too, but lets be real. A man, or men, of size and strength (or not, if he were armed) would need to use all of it to take down a killer hopped up on blood lust.

There seems to be a general contempt for moral clarity and those who practice it. Humble, used to be normal, American values are mushed up in a sea of nuanced swill. The leaders are awash in a narcissistic pursuit of power. The media glorifies evil and base behavior. But people watch it, they protest. Which people? Does their viewership represent the majority of Americans? I think they have deceived themselves into thinking they do.

I’m not sure the Virginia Tech tragedy (a bonifide, true tragedy in every sense of the word) will make any difference or improve our problematic leadership and media culture. The Press should be ashamed of their actions, but they seem beyond shame. Our government officials seem beyond shame. Our so-called thinkers seem beyond shame. I feel horrible, that in their time of grief, family and friends had to be the ones to push back against the press and reveal the shame, but there you go.

Here’s hoping that good can come from the evil that’s happened.

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Cho: Prevention & Rehabilitation?–UPDATE

Yesterday, I wondered if a guy like Cho was evil or psychotic. The latter implying that with the right mix of medication and therapy, perhaps he could live a relatively normal, stable life. The votes are still coming in, but so far, the poll is essentially 50-50. Half believe he’s psychotic. Half believe he’s evil.

A commenter asked, “Can’t he be both?” At first, I thought, yes, but upon second thought, I believe the answer is no. The name given to these actions imply the solution. Or the diagnosis determines the treatment. The nun portrayed in Dead Man Walking sought a spiritual solution that would lead to rational beliefs and actions like taking responsibility and apologizing for committing a sin. Psychiatry seeks a biochemical or behavioral solution that would lead to rational beliefs and actions. There is an assumption of an illness, a mental cancer, that is outside of will or soul. If the person gets “balanced” he or she will behave better. If the imbalance hadn’t been there to begin with, the crime would never have happened. I think the two perspectives are very different and lead to very different solutions to the problem: a murderer.

Franklin Graham said that he believed Cho to be “demon possessed”. It’s hard to argue with that assessment. Whether literally or figuratively, this man definitely succombed to his “demons”. That means the only hope for his redemption would be repentence and conversion. And surely, that would change a killer’s heart.

This scenario is said to have happened with the Florida killer who took a Christian woman hostage and allowed her to read passages from the Bible:

The woman allegedly taken hostage by Brian Nichols, a suspect in a quadruple murder, said that during the hours she was held in her apartment, she and her captor watched TV footage of the Georgia manhunt, had long discussions about God and ate pancakes with butter.

“He said, ‘That’s not me. I can’t believe that’s me,’” Ashley Smith (search) told FOX News affiliate WAGA-TV Sunday. “I told him: ‘You need to turn yourself in.’”

He ostensibly repented and peacefully surrendered to the police after letting her go. Was he possessed and then exorcised of his demons? Was he psychotic and then suddenly not psychotic?

Had Cho been detained in the mental institution, given anti-psychotic medication and therapy, would he have been given the psychological space he needed to sort things out? His persistent, violent ideation was never challenged. He wouldn’t talk to anyone. Left alone in his thoughts, he didn’t get any rational feedback. Would he have accepted it, had some been given?

No one really likes to talk about it, but it seems that even crazy, imbalanced people choose their actions. (This is why we still hold chemically imbalanced drunks responsible for their actions.) This choice implies that they could choose differently. Cho could have chosen a different reaction to the slights and offenses he perceived which he used to justify his violence. He was rational enough to use and manipulate the media. He knew what they would do, and they did. (More here.) They worked as a team, Cho and the media. In fact, other murderous (crazy? sick? evil?) terrorizers use the media in a cold and calculating way, too. They, too, justify their actions and blame the victims. None of these people appear insane. They seem consumed by hate–so much so that they value no life, including their own.

Cho carved A. Ismail into his arm. Clearly, he saw the connection. The societal beefs were the same: rich, privileged, bullying. Still, his family worried over his mental state even when he was a small child. Apparently they were ill-equipped to get help. I’m not implying that Cho was somehow a Islamic terrorist even with all the speculation about his formative years spent in Saudi Arabia. What I am implying is that Cho was well-versed in the language of victimhood and recognized similar grievances being put forth by terrorists. He also knew the media would air those grievances because the victim rhetoric plays well. Or, it usually does. This time, though, the true victims pushed back.

What would media silence about terrorist acts in Iraq or murderous rampages like Chos do here? The media won’t write about suicides, usually. They recognize that kids will copy those acts. But I digress.

I’ll end again with a poll. Do you think that psychiatric treatment could have cured Cho? In the comments, maybe you could include the kind of treatment that would have helped him.

Update: Upon more reflection, it’s important to note that some people are more fragile mentally. They are more likely to break under stress. Some war veterens have discussed this–some people cannot handle the gruesome stimuli that come with war. My uncle is one of those people. He is a Vietnam Vet, came back to the U.S. after two tours as a grunt, started a successful business, and for whatever reason, after his divorce, lost his grip on reality. Was it PTSD? I don’t know. Other relatives say that he was mean from the beginning. But how to tease out his personality from the dysfunctional environment? Eventually, as an adult, he adopted an angry, blame-the-world perspective. He used people to support him and justified his rage. He chose to disconnect. And yet, he could be utterly charming and engaging. When I was in High School, I interviewed him for a paper on Vietnam. He easily answered my questions while the family listened intently, shocked that he was talking about it. Borderline Personality Disorder? Psychopath? Narcissist? Just an angry guy who used a trauma to hate the world? A fragile soul destroyed by experience? A faithless man, who never truly knew or accepted the grace of a loving God? All of the above?

I’ve seen medication moderate disturbed people. In one case, the person was supposedly suicidal, but it became clear that the real problem was homocidal ideation. Needless to say, I called the psychiatrist on the case and urged an increase in the anti-psychotics he prescribed. They worked, but the person was still fragile. Everyone would profess shock if this person snapped, but upon further exploration, it wouldn’t be so…..crazy. Meds or not, I feel that the person desired, however remotely, to do better, to live better, to come back. A conscious choice was made to engage again.

And I knew people who want to stay in that destructive place. And I know those so self-unaware, that they don’t recognize they are in a destructive place. In one case the person appears normal superficially and even fooled a psychiatrist or two. These are the people who worry me. But what can be done? Insane assylums are passé and might not house the most potentially violent, disturbed, intelligent crazies anyway.

Back to the notion of being both psychotic and evil. Perhaps the function of the psychology profession is to talk the disturbed person off the edge. To eliminate or diminish the ability of the person to harm society. True healing, though, is proactive. Health isn’t the absence of disease, it’s the presence of vitality. A mentally healthy person has a belief system that animates their purpose for being. For most people, it’s a belief in God. Taking the iron grip off of trying to find all the answers here and now, materialistically, and surrendering to the mysteries of the universe–including why bad things happen sometimes–counterintuitively confers mental health.

G.K. Chesterton posits that the insane person is trapped in the materialistic world–trying in vain to make sense of the senseless. The insane person’s world constricts as he limits himself to what he knows, for sure, to be true. Ultimately, he know only himself to be true. He believes, Chesterton says, in himself. And that’s when madness enters. I would do Chesterton’s work injustice if I tried to pull a short quote to prove the point so I won’t. To get a better understanding of the mind of Cho and those like him, I recommend reading Chesterton’s book Orthodoxy, specifically Chapter 2, titled “The Maniac.” You will recognize the maniac. He is Scott Peterson. He is Dylan Kliebold or Eric Harris. She is Andrea Yates. He is Cho Sueing-Hui. It is my hope that you’ll read it and receive comfort and understanding. It’s truly a book that can change your life.

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Partial Birth Abortion Ban

Much gnashing of teeth ensued after the Supreme Court decision upholding the law to ban partial birth abortion. For the libertarians the fear ranged from personal rights infringement to intrusion on a method for a livelihood. For the leftists and feminists, all manner of fear and anger was expressed at a woman’s rights being taken away.

In all this, I read nary an article about the barbarity of partial birth abortion and why we, as a civilized society, should find the “procedure” abhorrent.

Most people, given the opportunity to watch this procedure would find it abhorrent and do. Will the Left take this issue to the legislators or will they concede this issue in face of the public will?

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Student Loan Investigation

I’ve talked about this before:

Colleges have inflated prices over the last decades mostly because they know if students and their parents don’t have the money to pay, they can get big student loans. The student loan limits continue to rise and bam! so do college costs. Funny how that works.

Attorney General Andrew Cuomo found this nefarious arrangement between college loan officers and student loan lenders:

Cuomo says his investigators uncovered numerous arrangements that benefited schools and lenders at the expense of students. For example, investigators say lenders have provided all-expense-paid trips for college financial aid officers who then steered students to the lenders.

Cuomo’s office has found that loan officers at a few schools had stock in a company that owned Student Loan Xpress, which was on the schools’ preferred lender lists.

Ya don’t say….. Well, this has always been a problem. The solution? Cash. Work your way through college. The loan system is an abomination and turns people into government servants for decades.

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Cho: Psychotic or Evil?

Does the V-Tech murderer deserve a diagnosis or damnation? Would therapy and medication have normalized his behavior and prevented this gruesome violence?

Some people say he was “clearly insane“. But aren’t all murderers crazy? Isn’t it crazy to hunt down or plan someone’s death? Heck, doesn’t a person have to be kinda crazy to kill in a crime of “passion”?

I tire of the psychological labels. It lets the killer, rapist, abuser, tyrant off the hook. If a person is “sick”, we feel sorry for him. Pity. If only he had a better upbringing, or hadn’t been picked on by a rich white kid (they all actually seemed to be very nice to him, considering his crazy), or taken his medication.

But this guy did receive interventions. Special tutor, counseling, court-ordered commitment to ascertain mental status. Clearly, the psychologist made a huge mistake. Dr. Helen says, “The level of stupidity and incompetence in the area of mental health is staggering.” Or maybe the future murderer was a very good liar, consumed with hate and smart enough to manipulate the doctor. My husband protested, “You know we’ve seen crazy people over the years. How do you know which one will snap?” No matter, lots of people in authority–from law enforcement to judges to professors to students to school administration knew Mr. Cho was not right.

I went to school with a kid like this. He went on a school break with another classmate and the classmate mysteriously drowned (a proficient swimmer) in mysterious circumstances. Everyone was convinced that the guy killed him, but there was no proof. He didn’t strike me as particularily insane. He did, however, send chills up my spine. Loner. Lived in a cult community for a while. Lived in his car because he used his loan money to gamble. Had loads of strange debt. Moved overseas to avoid payment. Crazy shit, but he wasn’t crazy. He was evil. Everything seemed very calculated in his very disordered life.

What do you think? If you were forced, which would you choose? Evil implies moral condemnation with possible, but unlikely, redemption. A diagnosis implies potential rehabilitation. Or, do you believe my premise to be wrong?

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Buying Personal Feminine Hygiene Products at Target

You can’t go into a Target and just buy tampons. Or, at least, I can’t. I’m still twelve that way. The bill came to $50.31 for precisely no other reason than I’m too afraid to place tampons on the small conveyor belt that will amble by the surly twenty year old who should be in college but isn’t, he’s taking a year off to “find himself”, and decides to spend his days snarling at women….with tampons. Not that I go down his check-out isle anyway. I really wouldn’t–if I had tampons. Which I do.

So, I have other checker choices. The elderly Indian fella (from India–with the accent to prove it) who is congenial and slow moving and rather absent-minded and I just don’t want him looking at you know; he’s a no go. And there is the perky lady from the Bronx, ya know wad ah mean? She’s fast and efficient and always wants me to sign up for their credit card because I would save $20 today! I like her and aim for her when she’s there. Today she’s not there. The non-descript, middle aged white lady today. No one likes being described as non-descript do they? But truly, I don’t remember her. Wait a minute, she might have been black.

So what did my $5o bucks get me? A little of this. A little of that. A Martha Stewart Magazine with Martha, herself, gracing the cover again. Is this a new development? She’s kind of set back in the picture of her pink guest house, wearing a pink cardigan, smiling and looking like she’s trying not to look to sure. Humble. Martha doesn’t do humble. She’s not exactly proud, either. She’s just determined and works hard and earns her place at the front of the picture. Yeah, yeah, she’s a criminal. Save it. That whole nonsense that got her thrown in the clink for 18 hard months, for what , exactly? Having the nerve to be a hard-working, demanding woman. My sister said, “No one should yell at people like that.”

“How do you know she yelled at people?”

“I read it and I heard.” She’s a big exec so I believe her.

“Well, I don’t care if she yelled at people. Why do women have to be nice and men can be the biggest axxholes and they’re considered leaders.”

“She should be nice.”

Yes, she should, but what’s nice? Nice is market share and profitability. Nice is perfection when you’re selling perfection. That’s nice. I know what she means, though. Anyway, I cut Martha slack. A doctor who took care of my son when he weighed roughly 750 grams (about three sticks of butter) yelled at the third year resident for miscalculating a medication. He was decidedly not nice. I was glad he wasn’t nice. I was glad he was good. Nice is overrated.

The magazine didn’t cost forty dollars. (Two tampon boxes for $10! A bargain. Those personal hygiene companies really have you over the barrel don’t they? Forty pieces of wound tight cotten is five bucks? What a rip! I told my husband that they use them to plug up bleeding wounds in the war. He rolled his eyes. What? They really do.) Anyway, I got my daughter a cotton play dress (saved four dollars). A card for a loved one. Didn’t say what I wanted it to, but after looking for half and hour and Little Toot started making cat calls to the female babies (I’m not making this up), I decided to move on.

Oh, I almost forgot. How could I forget? The best part: two bags of Raspberry Milano cookies by Pepperidge Farm. They don’t sell them at H.E.B., my new favorite shopping spot, once Kroger stopped impressing. Milanos are a special treat. They are in the freezer beckoning me right now–evil like those who made them. A Pepperidge Farm insider confided that the food engineers know that a woman can’t just eat one of those cookies so they make the package bingeable on purpose. And I’m not making that up either.

It seems like I got more than that for fifty dollars, but I don’t think so and that’s just it about Target. Today was a good day. I escaped with fifty dollars more than usual. Most of the time the tally is $101.87. Always over $100, just over. The cart can be overflowing or half full, but I always seem to leave there passing that psychological, err financial, threshold.

Anyway, I have my tampons now. I hid them with the merchandise. The checker didn’t even notice.

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Simon’s Life is Safe, Sanjaya Gone from Idol

Sanjaya wept tears of sadness and shock (which, in itself, is shocking) and Simon wept tears of relief (not really, he cried on the inside). More touchingly, LaKisha cried crocodile survivor tears and Blake wiped them away.

I don’t know how competitive American Idol has been in the past, but these young people seem very close. Having never watched Idol before, I wonder if this is always the way it is. Anyone?

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Simon Cowell’s Eye Roll: Was He Mocking Virginia Tech?

Drudge features Simon Cowell’s dramatic eye roll this morning. I watched Idol last night and saw the eye roll. Cowell had just raked Chris over the coals for a lackluster performance. I agreed with the general assessment, but called the criticism “unduly harsh” and noted that Chris seemed on the verge of tears. Although the Virginia thing was probably the emotional background for Chris, I also thought that his bringing up the shooting thing was a way to hide behind an unassailable defense–sympathy for the Virginia Tech victims. Chris made the uncomfortable situation more wrong.

Ann Althouse noted the incident and said this:

Chris defends himself, hilariously: “Hey, nasally is a form of singing. I don’t know if you knew that.” Simon: “Oh, so it’s intentional?” Chris: “Yeah.” Then he defends himself a bit underhandedly: “My heart goes out to Virginia Tech. I have a lot of friends out there. Be strong.” Does LaKisha get to come back out and say that she cares about the massacre victims too? Or, once you bring up the massacre, does it seem wrong even to talk about whether Chris is being unfair by bringing up the massacre?

No, it’s not wrong. Chris was wrong to use his personal discomfort to exploit the true, real pain of those caught in the massacre.

Someone must have talked to Cowell before the end of the show because he made a half-hearted, “Our hearts go out to the victims and their families” statement. Cowell wasn’t rolling his eyes at the V-Tech friends and families’ pain. That seemed obvious. He was rolling his eyes at Chris’s avoidance and excuses.

It was a tough night for the cotton candy that is American Idol during an American meat-n-taters disaster. I said as much last night.

Still, and all, I can’t concentrate on Idol tonight. I’m thinking about when bad things happen to good people.

Althouse asks, “How do you do a cheesy singing contest show the day after a massacre?” She answers her own question. “The show must go on.”

Well, it went on. It was obviously a tough night to watch, judge or sing. I think it best that everyone just move on. It will be tough tonight, too. I alluded to why here:

The V-Tech students, faculty and families will wake up tomorrow and be stunned to find that the world keeps on rotating.

How can anyone give a crud about Sanjaya’s hair when this happened? Well, we didn’t really, did we? But what else can be done? The show, life, must go on.

And I’m not suggesting touchy-feely forgiveness out of the gate, lest I be misunderstood. What I am saying is that for those outside the direct difficulty, wallowing helplessly doesn’t help. (Besides, it’s insulting to the real victims to act as if this is my loss, too. My children are still alive and well. Indulging in too much sadness is offensive.) People are thinking what can I do? Know how to wield a spring-loaded knife or at least make the killer flinch, for one. As much as the progressive Left scorns the military, does anyone doubt the benefits of knowing one’s way around defensive maneuvers and taking down a shooter? We all need to be better trained to deal with these types of situations.

I’ve already talked to my kids about running in a zig zag, and just plain running, if someone points a gun a them. We have already taken defensive martial arts. Learning to land a good punch seems like a good idea, considering that my son got bopped on the head twice (purposefully and meanly) by an older kid on the bus this week. Talking didn’t work. He tried.

Some people have had a bad life and decide to unload all their pain in the form of bullets into 33 people. Really, I’m tired of wondering why (I still always want to know why). The badness just needs to be stopped. Americans need to learn how to stop it. Preventing it would be nice, but there will always be crazy people. So, we need to know how to defend ourselves.

So while those directly injured suffer the pain and loss, the only productive thing everyone else can do is figure out what to do next time. And how did I get here from Simon Cowell anyway? Oh yeah. Americans watched American Idol in the midst of this sorrow and there was a reason. People need to be distracted and that’s one of the main purposes of entertainment. But there’s also this: The show must, sadly, awkwardly, go on.

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V-Tech: Time Helps, Time Doesn’t Heal and Other Idol Thoughts

I’m watching American Idol right now. So far, nothing too impressive, but Simon seems unduly harsh on poor Chris. This Virginia boy is on the verge of tears. I would be, too. Melinda knocked it out of the park. Wow, can she perform! LaKisha undersung. That is, the song was too small for her voice. You know how Carrie Underwood has to free her voice to sing Jesus Take the Wheel? Well, LaKisha had to rein in her voice for the song. She needed a bigger, gutsier song. And I know the Anchoress doesn’t get it, but I like Blake. I think he’s held back by nerves. That could hamper his career, too. He’ll have to get over it. Whatever “it” is.

Still, and all, I can’t concentrate on Idol tonight. I’m thinking about when bad things happen to good people. Every day bad things happen to good people. Lives are changed permanently, irrevocably, painfully. And everyone, eventually, has those moments. The moments stretch out and change the perception of time. Surreal. Out of body. A flash. An instant. Pain.

There is a misconception that people who have experienced lots of pain acclimate to pain. This is untrue. In fact, people who have experienced chronic pain are more sensitive to it and more reactive under the threat of pain. It is not just physical either. Emotional pain can literally cause heart ache. That is, the part of the brain that registers pain in a body part, will register heart pain, when a person is distraught. Is that so strange? We’ve all had knots in our stomach or pains in our neck or heart-breaking, gut-wrenching sorrow. And we’ve all experienced it going from bad to worse and the pain doesn’t lessen, the quality of the pain just changes.

In Virginia and all over the nation, there is pain. Watching the mystified, shocky victims talking to the press makes me feel revulsion. These people will wake up from their surreal experience and wonder who the hell it was talking to Stone Phillips. It wasn’t me, they’ll think. And it isn’t them. Or rather, it isn’t the people they now will be. They are changed. And the press and photographers exploit them all.

The V-Tech students, faculty and families will wake up tomorrow and be stunned to find that the world keeps on rotating. Life is cruel that way; the world keeps going while hell swirls around. Lance Armstrong described this phenomenon best in It’s Not About The Bike. Going out and riding or doing anything seemed like such small potatoes after fighting for his life in a hospital, where time is suspended.

I’m rambling now. I’m tired of people having to suffer this way. And yet, there is no miracle cure for these types of situations–not in this life, anyway. A friend told me that time helps. Neither one of us is sure if time heals. Time fades the memories. Time gives a person the space to construct a context in which to place the trauma. Time is not magical. It doesn’t erase anything–unless dementia or Alzheimers sets in. The years will pass and these resilient people will find ways to integrate even something so awful as this.

May they be conforted during their loss.

Remember the families of these people.

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