Archive for October, 2007
Grateful Iraqi Soldiers Send Check To Fire Victims
Saturday, October 27th, 2007This story touched me so deeply:
Iraqi Army Col. Abbass, the commander of the complex, presented a gift of $1,000 to U.S. Army Col. Darel Maxfield, Besmaya Range Complex officer in charge, Multi-National Security Transition Command Iraq, to send to the fire victims in California.The money was collected from Iraqi officers and enlisted soldiers in Besmaya. In a speech given during the presentation, Col. Abbass stated that he and the Iraqi soldiers were connected with the American people in many ways, and they will not forget the help that the American government has given the Iraqi people. Abbass was honored to participate by sending a simple fund of $1,000 to the American people in San Diego, to lower the suffering felt by the tragedy.
These people struggle for every penny and they’re collecting money to help Americans? All I can think of: the widow’s mite.
You know, the Iraqis don’t hate Americans. They are just trying to find their way out of tyranny. It was a messy process for America when we slogged through it. It’s a messy process for Iraq. And Iraq doesn’t have Thomas Jefferson or George Washington or Benjamin Franklin or Thomas Paine or any of the rest of America’s honorable forefathers.
Saddam Hussein killed them.
Slowly, surely, the Iraqis are growing and building the muscles required for freedom. There’s a reason why God kept Israel wandering around, learning to trust for forty years. It seems pretty remarkable what Iraq has achieved in these few years. Leaders will grow up, learn and contribute as they mature. They just need time.
P.S. You find this touching story in the MSM, please link to it in the comments.
War Ain’t Hollywood
Friday, October 26th, 2007There is a good chance my readers don’t give a flip about Scott Beauchamp’s confabulations in his pieces depicting fictional (portrayed as real) soldier life in Iraq in The New Republic. Here’s why the story matters to me: The New Republic is just one of many media sources where the facts are always in doubt. And then, when confronted with the truth, TNR, like most of the media, displays breathtaking self-unawareness. They withhold information and intimidate writers and do it without a trace of irony. Does the Fourth Column need a fifth? Given the press treatment of New Orleans, The Jena Six, Iraq, Hillary Clinton and Hsu, California Fires and everything else, yes.
Such is the state of the Mainstream Media. Believe at your own risk.
Peggy Noonan weighs in on the topic:
Journalistically, I was lucky enough to work at CBS News when it was still shaped by the influence of the Murrow boys. They knew and taught that “everyone is entitled to his own opinions”–and they had them–”but not his own facts.” And I miss the rough old boys and girls of the front page, who’d greet FDR with “Snappy suit, Mr. President,” who’d bribe the guard to tell them what the prisoner said on the way to the chair, and who were not rich and important but performed an extremely important social function.They found out who, what, where, when, why. And they would have looked at the half-baked, overcooked junior Hemingway of Scott Thomas Beauchamp and said, “That sounds like a buncha hooey.”
She excoriates those between 35 and 40 (now, wait just a minute!) for being weened on fantastic war stories put forth by Hollywood and then imposing that reality on the Iraq war. That may be true for some. Personally, I think her generation believes their own hype as well. Hell, while she worked for those Murrows boys her peers were smoking pot and getting groovy casting aspersions on their fellow citizen soldiers.
Noonan has a point, though. Everyone sure seems to act like this whole thing is just pretend and it’s not just those ages 35-40. The threat the Western world faces is real, alright. The enemy our soldiers fight is certainly real. Soldiering, like life, is a fair bit more mundane than the TNR editors want to believe. Life ain’t Hollywood. And neither is war.
H/T Ann Althouse
Economic News
Friday, October 26th, 2007MOM sums up the state of the world. I think it’s worth reading her thoughts one the world economy. Very interesting implications.
Sleep Deprivation Makes You Crazy
Thursday, October 25th, 2007Everyone in my family knows that sleep deprivation makes you crazy. It scares them when I bumble around in the morning, ranting at cupboard doors and talking to my imaginary friend. Of course, if they really cared about my mental health, they’d keep their asses in bed all night and not yell for me at 1:00 a.m.
People have joked about the raving soccer moms careening around in their SUVs wild-eyed, aggressive and demented as though the SUV is causing her behavior. Oh no, my friend. It’s not the gas guzzling monster. It’s sleep deprivation. The government needs to save us by providing night-time nannies. It’s their fault my higher brain functioning is crap:
“When we’re sleep deprived, it’s really as if the brain is reverting to more primitive behavior, regressing in terms of the control humans normally have over their emotions,” researcher Matthew Walker, a neuroscientist at the University of California, Berkeley, told LiveScience.
“While we predicted that the emotional centers of the brain would overreact after sleep deprivation, we didn’t predict they’d overreact as much as they did,” Walker said. “They became more than 60 percent more reactive to negative emotional stimuli. That’s a whopping increase—the emotional parts of the brain just seem to run amok.”
The researchers pinpointed this hyperactive response to a shutdown of the prefrontal lobe, a brain region that normally keeps emotions under control. This structure is relatively new in human evolution, “and so it may not yet have adapted ways to cope with certain biological extremes,” Walker speculated. “Human beings are one of the few species that really deprive themselves of sleep. It’s a real oddity in nature.”
It sure feels primitive being sleep deprived. Matted hair, bulging eyes, dry mouth and lips, heavy head, all that’s missing is my poison darts and Wooly Mammoth. I guess I don’t need it. I have coffee and children. Kinda the same.
Define Random Violence
Thursday, October 25th, 2007Rachel Lucas says:
I know it’s nitpicky. And I’m sorry for his family that the kid is dead. But still. Sometimes you do something stupid, and you get hurt. Pretty simple rule of thumb to reduce your chances of getting shot in your coconut: don’t throw golfballs at meth-heads.
Words to live by.
Pint-Sized Fashion Police
Thursday, October 25th, 2007
Are you kidding me? Little girls are bullying each other because they’re in the wrong brand and color? Wait, am I kidding myself? It was a big deal when I was a pre-teen and teen and I remember precisely when it started.
Brooke Shields.
That’s right. Baby Brooke in her provocative picture with tight Calvin Kleins that nothing came between. Everyone had to have them. Before Calvin, it was gauche to put a label front and center. After Calvin, everyone started doing it.
And Middle School suddenly got a lot more fierce. As if a hormonally challenged kid needs to worry about anything more. Now it’s Dolcé and Gabbana or whatever.
The kids who grew up with Calvin are now parents. And they refuse to let their child suffer their own humiliation. No Gucci? Horrors! So parents will bend over backwards to keep their growing child’s derriére covered in something fancy. Crazy:
School guidance counselor Angie Dooley sees the love of labels at Lawrence Junior High School in Fairfield, Maine, where some girls wear the same few brand-name items they own again and again. “They don’t want anyone to know that’s all they have,” Ms. Dooley says.
In one study, more than one-third of middle-school students responded “yes” when asked whether they are bullied because of the clothes they wear. Susan M. Swearer, associate professor of school psychology at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln, surveyed a total of more than 1,000 students at five Midwestern middle schools from 1999 to 2004, with about 56% of the sample female. While the prevalence of fashion bullies was greater in wealthy cities and towns, where more designer clothing is available, she found the problem is significant in poorer communities, too.
Teens and adolescents are expected to wear not just any designer brands but the “right” ones. “The better brands you wear, the more popular you are,” says Becky Gilker, a 13-year-old eighth-grader from Sherwood Park in the Canadian province of Alberta. “If you don’t wear those things you get criticized.” In many schools, the most expensive designer goods, such as those by Chanel or Louis Vuitton, have the highest social ranking among girls. But popular teen brands such as American Eagle, Abercrombie & Fitch and Aeropostale are also important. Miss Gilker says Hollister and Roxy are big logos at her school.
The solution isn’t kid bullying classes. It’s parenting classes. Do parents even listen to themselves? Are they conscious of what they’re teaching their kids? It just seems like one more narcissistic pursuit. It isn’t about the kid’s moral development, it’s about the kids making up for what the parent lacked.
And ultimately, the kids better like the clothes because what’s filling them is empty.
Turkeys: Nancy Pelosi and Tom Lantos
Wednesday, October 24th, 2007Would Turkey be bombing the snot out of Northern Iraq if the Democrats had kept their Machiavellian yappers shut? We’ll never know. But now, there’s bombing going on on the Northern border and Turkish troops building up there, too.
Just as things settle down down South, Iraq is all stirred up up North. You know, I was hoping that when the Democrats got in power that they would start acting like grown-ups, but that hasn’t been the case. They act like they’re still the minority party and their words and actions don’t matter. But they do matter. It’s something Nancy Pelosi needs to remember:
It’s certainly not her finest moment,” said Michael O’Hanlon, senior fellow in foreign policy studies at the Brookings Institution in Washington.“There’s been no great harm done, but we do have to find some ways to mend the U.S.-Turkish relationship.”
I hope not. But it seems like great harm is being done right now.
The Art of the Apology
Wednesday, October 24th, 2007We live in a world of parsed language and half-meaning. Even more, we live in a world of denial and hard-heartedness. It’s a paradoxical thing. Because people are so merciless when someone screws up, people resist apologizing for fear of being condemned worse, rather than just being judged for “allegedly” doing something wrong. So people don’t apologize for offenses they cause, and when they do muster the courage to apologize they sprinkle it with qualifiers–either because they don’t really think they were wrong and want to put the problem behind them (the apology is a manipulative tool) or because they are afraid the apology will result in making the relationship worse or they will be viewed as worse.
People have lost the ability to gracefully apologize. Whether it’s Bill Clinton or Larry Craig, just to name two, the apologies are spat out angrily, devoid of meaning and actually impugn the honor of those offended. How dare you be offended? The latest example was Reporter Rebecca Aguilar who attack a senior citizen who had killed two different men who were breaking into his home and business. He was clearly shaken and she verbally assaulted the man in the parking lot while he bought a new gun saying, “Are you a trigger happy kind of person? Is that what you wanted to do, shoot to kill?” Nice. People watching the news report were outraged and called the station. A woman who exchanged email correspondence with Ms. Aguilar received this apology:
First of all, Mr. Walton is the one who told me where he was going to buy his shotgun. Though he didn’t want his face on camera, after he showed us the new weapon…. he did want to share his side of the story. He didn’t want folks to think he was some kind of criminal. That’s why he shared his tears, his remorse, and his side of the story. I also reminded viewers that Mr. Walton did not break any laws, because he was in the right. I’m sorry you took my story the wrong way. You didn’t see my story yesterday…when I pointed out that the man Mr. Walton killed had a criminal record involving theft.
We’ll just take that apology as Exhibit “A” on how not to apologize. I’ve written about apologizing before and can’t find the post and don’t want to slog through the archives. It doesn’t hurt to repeat though. There is actually a Wiki How To about apologizing. Let’s go with that. I’m going to skip Step 1 & 2 and focus on Step 3:
Begin the apology by naming the offense and the feelings it may have caused. Be specific about the incident so that they know exactly what you’re apologizing for. Make it a point to avoid using the word “but”. (“I am sorry, but…” means “I am not sorry.”) Validate their feelings or discomfort by acknowledging your transgression’s (potential) effects:
Step 1 and 2 mention that this is best done in person, privately. The second best would be on the phone. If the person won’t see or talk to you, it is better to do it in writing in private.
The next step is to Make Amends. If someone stole $5 and then didn’t return the money, but apologized, would you feel better?
Make amends. Think about what caused you to make the offense. Is it because you’re a little too laid back about being on time, or remembering important dates? Is it because you tend to react instantly to certain comments, without pausing to consider an alternative point of view? Is it because you are unhappy with your life, and you unknowingly take it out on others? Find the underlying problem, describe it to the person (as an explanation, not an excuse), and tell them what you intend to do to rectify that problem so that you never repeat this mistake again:
- “I snapped at you because I’ve been so stressed out with work lately, and it’s selfish of me to take it out on you. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to cut down my hours to X per week. I really think it’ll help me unwind, and help us spend more quality time together.”
- “I’ve been distant and cold because I get paranoid that you’re going to walk out on me because I don’t have a job. But that’s a terrible thing to do. Look, here’s a list of things I’m going to do to find a job ASAP…”
It is a measure of how seriously a person takes their offense when they take the time to analyze the underlying pathology that caused the wrong to begin with. A good apology works only with a good dose of self-awareness. It is even more offensive when a person apologizes but isn’t specific, doesn’t acknowledge the harm done and further, doesn’t change the mindset that caused the offense to happen again.
An artful apology brings a relationship back to equilibrium. That is, the offender cedes power in order that the relationship is restored. In fact, he gives the other person the power. That is what is so difficult for the person apologizing. His fate, in a sense, is in the forgiver’s hands. That discomfort is only fair considering the offense to begin with. Wiki says:
Ask if they will give you a chance to make up for what you did wrong. Insist on proving to them that you have learned from your mistake, and that you will take action to change and grow as a result, if they will let you. Make a clear request for forgiveness and wait for their answer. This gives the injured party the well deserved “power” in determining the outcome of the situation.
This is why apologizing so rarely happens. It is distressing to disarm oneself and hand ammunition to a person who is, ostensibly, upset with you. And that person might not accept the apology. What then?
Be patient. If an apology is not accepted, thank them for hearing you out and leave the door open for if they wish to reconcile later. (E.g. “I understand you’re still upset about it, but thanks for giving me the chance to apologize. If you ever change your mind, please give me a call.”) If you are lucky enough for your apology to be accepted, avoid the temptation to throw in a few excuses at the end. Instead, have a transition planned out beforehand for what you can do to solidify the clean slate (e.g. “Let’s go get some coffee and catch up. It’ll be my treat. I miss knowing what you’re up to.”).
And the final step is most important. As an aside, it is rare that our boorish behavior is aberrant. Usually, it is established behavior, a character flaw that requires fixing. I remember one of my past egregious wrongs and it has driven me crazy that I can’t find the girl that I wronged (she was a fellow chiropractic student), but what the experience revealed to me was a deeper problem I had. Since the ability to make it right has thus far eluded me, my efforts have been put into not doing it again and changing the part of me that did it to begin with. And I pray that the effects of my offense have been forgotten.
But I know how good a sincere apology feels. When in High School, an acquaintance who had been mean to me through Middle School came up with her friends and apologized to me for being mean. She didn’t have to do that. Her kindness stuck with me. We can all be shits. We can all screw up. We can use that power to heal, too.
Back to the final step:
Stick to your word. This is the most important step. A true apology entails a resolution, and you have to carry out your promise in order for the apology to be sincere and complete. Otherwise, your apologies will lose their meaning, and trust may disappear beyond the point of no return. Follow through.
It is difficult to hold a grudge against someone who repeatedly makes it right. Who has changed. A person can hold that grudge, but then, it’s on them.
Mind you, some wrongs are so horrible (murder, abuse, assault) that the person might forgive, but they don’t want to be around the offender. This might just be good sense.
Some tips from Wiki that are worth noting:
- Use relaxed and humble body language. Keeping your arms crossed or pointing fingers will put the other person on the defensive.
- One apology will often cause another, either from you for something else you realized you are sorry for, or from the other person because they realize the conflict was mutual. Be prepared to forgive.
- A proper apology is always about the injured party. Keep your apology focused on the actual wrong done, and the recipient.
- Dont keep asking if he or she is mad at you. Constant reminding of this will only make the person be more angered and ill tempered towards you.
We have all been wronged. And we have all wronged. It takes pride-gulping gumption to give a sincere apology. It is an Art.
Happy apologizing! Now, I’m going to attempt to research and deal with a thornier subject: How to accept an apology.
California Burning
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
Nobody’s California Dreamin’ right now. My friend who lives in Long Beach sent this picture.
Eerily beautiful. More like California Screamin’. Hey! That could be the title to one of those popular slasher flicks.
