Archive for April, 2008
Sex Is Sacred
Tuesday, April 29th, 2008I should be in bed, but a rant is bubbling and I want to post it before heading to the land of nod. This is what currently disturbs me in our Sex In The City society: Sex is treated with contempt.
The change occurred back when birth control became ubiquitous. Women could have sex as easily and without consequence as men and so women took on the behavior of the most hound-doggish men. It has not been good for either men or women.
Oh, usually, when this topic comes up, the discussion turns toward STDs or unwanted pregnancies or abortion. And those are important discussions and a terrible side-effect of sexual promiscuity. But there is a more day-to-day effect of promiscuity: the devaluing of sex itself to the point that it’s purpose beyond reproduction is distorted beyond recognition.
Sex is not just to make babies. Sex is not just for physical pleasure. Sex is a sacred gift between two people.
Here’s an irony that I’ve noticed: the women who put out the most seem to like sex the least. You read that right. Because sex matters so little to them, they use sex as a tool to get a man to like them or they use sex to have physical touch or they use sex for attention. The point is, they use sex. And then, when there is no more use for sex, they stop giving it up. That’s right. They don’t like it or value it that much anyway. They give it to anyone and everyone. And, imagine their eventual husband’s shock when it stops being given. “But we had so much sex before we got married!” Uh huh. I have a newsflash. She didn’t like it then, either. She was using sex to use you. And, it worked.
No one values anything that comes cheap. Why do men and women give away the gift of their body and soul as if it is worth nothing?
Sexual intercourse is more than a physical coupling. It is a powerful union, a special gift. DNA is exchanged during sex. Both people are literally changed by the experience. And this is awesome. When someone has multiple partners, gives the gift too soon and to a stranger even, a barrier goes up emotionally. How can it not? A person has to divest himself of emotional vulnerability in an act that succeeds based on making oneself vulnerable. Long term, I believe that this behavior is incredibly damaging to the heart and spirit of a person. The emotional distance becomes a habit. This is not so easy to turn off once in a loving, committed relationship.
A guy friend of mine told me that he couldn’t understand why a woman would give up sex soon. He could see absolutely no benefit to her by doing that. And yet, women do this all the time these days. They are lonely or horny or believe that to “get” or “keep” a man, that’s what is necessary. But what kind of man does this woman want to “get” or “keep”?
Maybe it seems like I’m being too hard on women and not holding men responsible. Maybe. But let’s face it, women are the gatekeepers. And when they keep the gates swung wide open for anyone and everyone, it devalues the commodity. And that’s where were at societally. When something becomes cheap and ubiquitous, it loses it’s value. Loose women are a dime a dozen. Why do women complain about men not committing again?
Men are responsible, too. By treating every woman as a two-bit whore, they value all women less. And eventually, they bring that attitude to the woman they eventually commit to. How can they not? It used to be that hound dog men were looked down upon. But now, a man who views sex as something special and is choosy about how he shares it is scorned as prudish and backward. Or, his sexuality is questioned.
The gender wars keep waging in part because sex is so misused and abused. A lifetime of intimate betrayals causes a man or woman to distrust and despise the opposite sex. These hurts and wounds scar a person’s soul. And like a physical scar, the person’s heart becomes less flexible, less functional and rather ugly. A person may even get to the point of forgiveness for past sexual hurts, but the memories will affect the present. And very often, the person saddles his or her true love with side-effects of those memories.
I guess I just wish, very much, that people would consider their ways and keep, ever present in their minds, the partner of the future that they will love with their whole heart. Eventually, hopefully, a soul mate will come along. This person will be so special and wonderful and incredible that anything less than everything will feel like not enough. The problem will be that along the way, too much was given away, treated with contempt and diminished. A tentative, self-protective barrier will have to be either broken down or navigated around in the relationship. Sex will have been a tool used by and against a person instead of being a sacred gift to give someone.
Does this sound old-fashioned? Probably so. It certainly isn’t third-wave feminist ideology. And it certainly isn’t a modern notion. That’s really too bad. Sex can be used as a sacred power to bind. Today, too often, it’s being used as a power to destroy.
Conservative Women Who Date Weirdos…Evidently
Monday, April 28th, 2008When John interviewed me about dating, I shared my story about List Man. Well, that’s nuthin’….. But of course, that was before online dating. Part II of the dating story is up.
Now, one of my favorite bloggers is Megan McCardle. She has to have a 180 I.Q., her takes are just so smart. Or maybe I’m just intimidated by statistics and economics. It’s probably both. Anyway, she is interviewed by John. I was the only woman last time who didn’t really care so much about whether a guy considered himself conservative or not. Megan encapsulates my feelings here:
Have you dated liberals before? If so, any difference you can tell between liberal and conservative guys — or liberal and libertarian guys in your case, either or?
I have dated all three…No, I wouldn’t say that there is a difference. It sort of depends on the conservative guy. I haven’t dated a lot of hardcore social conservatives for obvious reasons, but I think that the danger with the liberals and conservatives is that if they are living in an area where they’re dominant, they can be quite set and unimaginative about their political ideas.
But, it’s the personality of the guy. I’ve dated generous, bleeding heart libertarians and conservatives and sexist, annoying liberals. It’s really the person, not the ideology.
There are some funny as heck stories about weird dates. Go read them. Sometimes I really wonder what men are thinking. Good grief! Also, these women are gorgeous. Don’t tell me there aren’t good, smart, beautiful women out there guys.
You find what you’re looking for…..
Happiness Is….
Monday, April 28th, 2008Two kinds of ice cream, ala Charlie Brown? See if you can follow these findings:
Larsen and McKibban then calculated the extent to which people want what they have and have what they want. Their findings show that wanting what you have is not the same as having what you want. While people who have what they want tend to desire those items, the correlation between the two was far from perfect.
The researchers found that people who want more of what they have tend to be happier than those who want less of what they have. However, people who have more of what they want tend to be happier than those who have less of what they want.
So, happiness is two things: wanting what you have and having what you want.
Being happy means knowing yourself well enough to know what you want. Hold on. That’s not as easy as it sounds. Too many people have no idea what they want and are dissatisfied all the time. It is far easier to articulate what you don’t want than it is to articulate what you do want.
And then, when a person gets what he wants, what he really, really wants, the key to happiness is being appreciative of what he has so that the happiness doesn’t wane. Or, he can just sell what he doesn’t want anymore and buy what he does want.
Happiness is about being authentic and about being grateful. Which brings to mind one of my favorite books which I haven’t shared for a while, but is worth bringing to your attention again.
H/T Hotair
I’m Not Japing You
Monday, April 28th, 2008This link goes out to a reader, you know who you are, who loves the word “jape” and has just been waiting to see it actually used in the real world. Gotta love the BBC! Those Brits know a good word when they look it up in their thesaurus.
Spinning Dancer
Monday, April 28th, 2008Sort of related to right and left brain, but more fun. You know that image of the spinning dancer? Well, here’s an explanation about it. Pretty cool.
Wanna Vote? Bring A Picture I.D.–UPDATED
Monday, April 28th, 2008The Supreme Court upheld Indiana’s law requiring voters to bring a photo ID. It makes no sense not to have this law. Sheesh! You can’t buy a six pack of bud without an ID but you can vote?
This finding is a major blow to the Democrats intent on having all those illegal immigrants and dead people vote for them. It’s been a bad day for the Lefties. Aw…..
UPDATE: Ann Althouse has more on the breakdown of the decision.
Black People Are Right Brained, White People Are Left Brained: So Says Jeremiah Wright UPDATED
Monday, April 28th, 2008Now, ponder if you will, what would happen if a prominent white pastor made this statement. We don’t even have to think too hard. Remember the hew and cry over Lawrence Summers’ statement that men and women are different? That seems to be stating the obvious. But for a white person to say that a black person’s brain is different, when there is zero evidence to support this assertion would smack of, what is the word I’m searching for? Oh yeah, racism. It’s okay, though. The racist in question is black.
If he’s this comfortable mocking black/white differences in front of media cameras, I can only imagine what he says in private to his faithful black liberation ideology adherents.
Michelle has a great round-up as usual with all the accompanying video of Pastor Right Brain. He also says that white people clap differently than black people. So, does Barack Obama clap like a white person or a black person?
And for those of you thinking that this isn’t relevant, keep in mind Obama calls Wright his “spiritual mentor”. For twenty years he’s been letting this nonsense soak into his soul. I find it difficult to believe that the ideology he sought out weekly didn’t affect him. We choose our churches and pastors, who they are and what they preach reflects who we are and what we believe.
UPDATED: Glenn Reynolds thinks that Jeremiah Wright is sabotaging Obama. Sure looks that way. The only other explanation is that he’s a fame whore and doesn’t mind killing Obama’s chances so he gets to be the center of the media universe for a while. If that’s the case, Obama must be ruing his excellent judgment about friends and associates. And I wonder. Does he now regret not booting the “crazy uncle” to the curb?
A reader asked what I make of the Bill Moyers nonsense. Well, I linked to the best piece on the whole debacle yesterday, but I’ll link to it again today. Jeff Goldstein followed up with his own thoughts, which are precisely mine on the subject. He just says it better. So go read it.
Studying the Abnormal to Understand the Normal–UPDATED
Monday, April 28th, 2008I never bought the premise of abnormal psychology–that to understand the normal you have to understand the abnormal. The problem with this educational focus is that psychologists tend to put everyone in the abnormal category. It’s a changed point of view. Instead of normal people with a few weird things about them, people are abnormal and it’s a surprise when they’re normal.
Anyway, here’s an example of bizarrely weird behavior. But it’s not the incestuous, kidnapping freak that I’m interested in. It’s the wife who “didn’t see” the behavior for over twenty years. How do you have a daughter go missing, not report it to the police, and not notice that your husband is going to a hidden room a lot at the precise time your daughter disappears. Oh and you are not given access to the room? How the hell does that happen?
There are always going to be people at the end of the freak spectrum, but so many of them survive there because other people don’t step in and stop them. It’s the people who see and ignore who fascinate me.
UPDATE: More information and pictures about this craziness. Again, how does a mother not know?
Shameless Plug and Organic Stuff
Sunday, April 27th, 2008Just a quick note, here. Have you noticed that I have an advertiser right now? That big block with natural skin care products is paying me actual money to advertise here. How cool is that?
A reader asked if I had used their products. The answer is no, I have not. That being said, I will talk about buying organic, natural products for a minute. This is something that I try to do anyway–but organic. Even my dog gets organic food even and he deserves a swift kick in the ribs not the super excellent dog food. I’m still irritated over his apparent passive-aggression. This morning, the cute fluffy white cotton ball of a dog jumped up on our bed and peed in the middle of it. Not a little spot mind you. Oh no! He emptied his pint-sized bladder on the white comforter cover. And yes, he’d been let out already. And yes, he’s now generally potty-trained. It was purposeful.
For those who believe that dogs and cats don’t have free will, I’m here to tell you, you’re wrong. My friend’s big, fat, irritating cat pees and poops on her pillow whenever he’s mad at her for not giving him enough attention. If she goes out of town, the pillow gets it. For some reason, she thinks it’s funny. I, on the other hand, do not find any sort of pet excrement on my bed amusing.
So even this rage inducing canine gets organic food and I’m here to tell you he doesn’t deserve it. But my kids do. Now, I’m not super mega anal about the organic thing, but I try, as much as possible to buy organic food. Certain things seem to make a huge difference when they’re organic, taste wise. Chicken is the most dramatic. I don’t know, nor do I want to know, what happens to regular chickens, but the difference with organic chicken is so obvious it’s a tad disturbing. Other things like fruits and veggies make a difference when fresh and organic. There is even an organic vodka I like called Rain. Good stuff. Great packaging.
Anyway, I do think it is valuable, when at all possible, to buy organic. It is just one more way to minimize your intake of antibiotics and if the animals and ground are treated better, that’s a bonus, too.
So, take a look at NaturOli‘s products and buy some, too! You’ll be supporting me and you’ll also be buying some products that are natural and plant based. They look really good. Also, if you would like to advertise here, let me know. You guys know you’re smart and there’s more of you reading this than I ever imagined would care about what I have to say, which actually calls into question the first assertion. Nah, I stick by it. You’re smart.
Republicans Redeeming This Election Any Way We Can
Sunday, April 27th, 2008Does anyone love John McCain besides his family and Joe Lieberman and certain segments of the press? I’ve pondered before that moderates get no love because they tend to piss everyone off–kinda like countries claiming to be neutral. Pick a side and stay on it. McCain claims to transcend politics, to be motivated to do what is “right” no matter the issue. He isn’t political, he’s principled.
Bull and shit.
John McCain’s overarching principle is John McCain. As far as I can tell, he’s the only one he’s interested in serving. And that makes him different from other politicians, how? What is unique about John McCain is that he doesn’t go to the trouble of even attempting to pander to his constituents. He’s balls off about making it clear that he will do things his own damn way. North Carolina can suck his butt. Conservatives can bite his hiney. He just doesn’t care.
On this delightful backdrop, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama duke it out for their party’s nomination. Democrats kvetch that Republicans are too smug. Or “smiling too much”, whatever. At this point, Republicans are looking for something, anything, that is remotely encouraging about this election. We’re settling for entertainment.
The Republicans changing party affiliation get the pleasure of irritating Democrats while not-so-subtly flipping McCain the bird. Yeah, we’ll end up voting for him because we actually care about our soldiers and it is somewhat satisfying that McCain’s craziness will frighten would be terrorist states. But it’s not all that comforting. We know McCain. He actually has a record, unlike the no-talent-ass-clown Democratic contenders. He wasn’t a community activist. He put his activist pet ideas into practice as a Senator. Lucky us!
Conservatives, libertarians and Republicans know the press will manipulate things to favor their Anointed One no matter his Black Liberation Theology. It’s more than guilt by association. It’s guilt–Obama is embarrassed to be American. Obama has some work to do to convince America about the content of his character and worthiness of his ideas.
The Right also know that Hillary will schlep on until the very end. She’s not a quitter, no siree. So why not her help her in her quest? It’s something fun to do while waiting for the inevitable.
And what is the inevitable? Well, one of these three is going to win the presidency and none of them are particularly impressive. For conservatives, it’s choosing someone who will do the least damage. It is hoped that that person is John McCain.
Cross-posted at Right Wing News.
