Giving The Impression You’re In Charge

October 10, 2008 / 2:55 pm • By Dr. Melissa Clouthier

A reader over at Right Wing News asked me this:

Question: During the veep debates, Melissa spoke of Palin’s offering a handshake first as a sign of dominance or power. I work in a high pressure oilfield job. In what other subtle, professional ways can I show my clients that I am the one in control, and that I own the situation?

Move with intention. That means walk with purpose, look up, make eye contact, body open.

Initiate contact. Reach out first.

Shake firmly. No fish hand shakes. Those give away your insecurity and anxiety.

Stand facing the person, feet facing them, so they know you’re a straight shooter.

Smile sparingly.

Speak slowly, calmly and with few words.

Stay calm. Watch Westerns and Mafia movies. The winners don’t flinch or yell.

Wear dark clothes. Dark clothes, dark trucks (hello Secret Service black Suburbans) send a message of power.

Maintain eye contact.

If you walk with some one, walk briskly and have them keep up. Know where you’re going.

Look sharp. Wild hair, wild tattoos, wild piercings say things about you and they say things that undermine your authority unless you run a tattoo and piercing parlor.

If you want to get a raise, dress at the level you want to be at, now. This might not be possible if you’re going from blue collar to white collar, but if you’re white collar, and want to move up: dress the part.

Oh! If the person you’re with is taller than you, suggest sitting to equalize the situation. And, give yourself the power position–your back against the wall. You should always face out. Always. If your desk at work leaves your back exposed, expect things to be going on “behind your back”. Change the orientation of your desk so you can face the door. Mafia bosses sit in the back corner for a reason–they can see everything going on.

Power. Your body language and how you conduct yourself either conveys strength, neutrality or weakness. Keep in mind, men, that women tend to be better at picking up body language signals. If you seem particularly dense about missing signals, have someone witness the situation who is better about it and get feedback and learn.

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  • Mark

    New here, thanks mostly to Chris Muir’s plugging your site. I’m glad he did!

    Great advice on asserting power in business interaction. However, I disagree that Palin’s offer of a handshake asserts power. Most of us in the Boomer generation or older will almost never offer a handshake to a woman unless she offers first. Biden is in the “or older” category, so if there was to be an opening handshake, Palin had to offer first. For Biden to offer first would have been rude. Given the generation gap, maybe she though it was asserting power to offer a handshake, or maybe she deals with enough of us geezers to realize that Biden would have most likely have thought it rude to offer first.

    What really said, “I’m not intimidated by you!” was her opening question during that handshake, “May I call you Joe?” with the absolute expectation of a “Yes, of course” response. Had he hesitated or said “no,” it would have been a major break in the Mr. Nice Guy facade he’s been trying to craft, but by saying it’s okay, he also says that Sarah Palin is at least on equal footing, has every right to be there, and is a force people should respect just as much as they respect “Joe” Biden.

    The handshake was polite, the question was powerful.

    Or at least that’s how this geezer saw it… :)