I Have Absolute Moral Authority And I Say The Government Should Pull Out Of The Stimulus Bill

February 16, 2009 / 1:15 pm • By Dr. Melissa Clouthier

I distinctly remember being lectured by Maureen Dowd about Ma Sheehan having “absolute moral authority” to suggest that the troops should pull out of Iraq because her son was killed on the field of duty. Well. By that logic, I have absolute moral authority to say that the government should pull out of the stimulus bill. Now!

I even have some slogans: Democrats Lied! Transparency Died! And/Or Obama Lied! Economy Died! Take your pick. Catchy, no?

Here’s why I have Absolute Moral Authority:

1. I’m a business owner. I pay taxes, a lot of them. People who don’t pay taxes should have no say. I mean, if you don’t have money that’s being taken away for redistribution, who are you to say what should be done with the money?
2. I’m a doctor. Over half the bill is medically related and most of it is worse than useless, it’s harmful. And I know what the provisions will do.
3. I’m a home owner. I actually pay my mortgage. I didn’t overbuy when the bank approved too much. I didn’t take some fancy schmancy financing. The Center for “Responsible” Lending didn’t help me.

Far too many people have opinions about this bill and they don’t own a business, don’t pay taxes, aren’t a doctor and don’t own a home. What right do they have to say anything? They don’t.

In the future, I’m going to start a Code Red group where I make signs, scream like a banshee because I’m not getting my way and if I get really drunk and in a mean mood, take off my clothes in protest. I will gather to myself equally offended men and women, mug for cameras and make this whole financial debacle all about me, because really, it IS all about me.

This is MY pain people. Living under this onerous government where Congressmen who’ve never done a damn thing to contribute to the economy besides give kick-backs and inflated government contracts feel free to take what’s mine and give it to who knows what special interest group. They are killing my livelihood. I’m subjected to and betrayed by amoral, unprincipled Republican Senators who just don’t give a damn about their constituents, their party or their country.

My children will pay for this mess and it’s not right and it’s not fair. Worse, it will be a living death. Because every day of their lives they’ll be working not for themselves but for the Slave Master that has become the U.S. government.

From now on, it’s wild, bulging-eyed, frothing-at-the-mouth Melissa. (I was going to say no make-up, messed up hair Melissa but that wouldn’t be much of a change.) I’ll weep dramatically for the cameras and lament the cruel hardness of our President. He won’t meet me. I asked!

The U.S. should pull out of the Stimulus Bill. It’s not too late. My name is Melissa Clouthier and my moral authority is absolute.

[This was a parody.]

P.S. You really can protest this mess here.

Posted in America • Political Animals
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  • http://hl98.blogspot.com/ TheBigHenry

    I have absolute moral authority too. And I think both Maureen Dowd’s and Cindy Sheehan’s fathers should have pulled out of Dowd’s and Sheehan’s respective mothers sooner than they did.

  • Mr. Chuckles

    Yes, because stimulating the economy for the average person is just wrong. It was okay when Bushie gave a 1.35 TRILLION dollar tax cut to the super wealthy in 2001. Nevermind that the “trickle down” effect that you all try to constantly sell never happened (just do a brief search of job creation under Bushco’s eight years if you don’t believe me). We can’t have any stimulus plan approved by a dem, right? As I have said before, you are a HUGE hypocrite.

  • http://melissaclouthier.com Dr. Melissa Clouthier

    Mr. Chuckles,

    If you could demonstrate how this bill would help the little guy, you’d have a little more moral authority calling me a hypocrite.

    Like many Republicans, I don’t question the need for some sort of intervention. But my solution wouldn’t include making the government huge.

    The fact is, the rich survive no matter. Putting pressure on businesses results in lost jobs because payroll is often the biggest cost to a business. Look at GM. The state intervention involves, guess what? Cutting jobs.

  • Mile High Mike

    Other reasons that Dr. Melissa has Absolute Moral Authority:

    4. She’s a DIRECT business owner, Doctor, and homeowner. This is a much better moral basis than Soldier-by-proxy Cindy Sheehan.

    5. She actually can make a cogent argument without resorting to either lawlessness or Ad Hominem attacks.

    6. She’s much better looking (I suspect even if she’s mean and drunk)

  • Mr. Chuckles

    What’s hypocritical about your argument is that the tax cut bonanza that Bush gave to BIG business (I have a small one, threfore a small tax cut…) is essentially government spending, but you fail to mention anything about it. The taxes were already levied and collected, hence the fat surplus that he inherited in 2000. Prince Spendalot chose to give it all back to big business with the logic that those businesses would create more jobs. Giving $600 checks to the general populace was a joke at best. If you look at the facts, not only did his cuts not produce a trickle down effect, but moreover it gave many larger companies the capital they needed to move jobs and manufacturing off shore. Hypocrisy is calling out the dems for their stimulus plan (which is considerably less than the 1.35 trillion dollar “cut” from Bush) and not citing Bush for doing worse. And let’s not even get into the whole boondoggle stimulus that he rammed through before he left office – have you gotten any mortgage relief yet? Bottom line: Yes, porky spending from the dems is criminal. It’s also criminal when repubs do it, but they get a free pass from folks like you and your faithful because it’s under the guise of “free enterprise”. Well, as a “free enterpriser” myself I have yet to feel any substantial effects from the Bushco cut of 2001 or the blank check that he wrote to bankers in the fall under the bullshit guise of mortgage relief.

    BTW – unless you were sticking plates in your lip in Botswana or something for the last eight years, government got BIGGER during spendalot’s rule. Yes, conservative faithful, bigger than under that socialist Clinton…

  • http://hl98.blogspot.com/ TheBigHenry

    “If you look at the facts, not only did his cuts not produce a trickle down effect, but moreover it gave many larger companies the capital they needed to move jobs and manufacturing off shore.”

    Truth is not assertion, Mr. Chuckles, and assertion is not proof.