Lost In “Manslations”

March 18, 2009 / 10:01 am • By Dr. Melissa Clouthier

I was sent the following article by someone who remembered my April Fools post about what men need to do to keep their relationship hot. That article set off the most bizarre set of circumstances. People believed I was serious. Men sent me adoring letters and thanked me for sharing the truth. It was amusing and disturbing all at once.

So a new book “Manslations” has been released. Here’s a snippet of a review from CNN:

Actions speak louder than words. Sure, not a novel idea, but this “duh” lesson is one that can take years to learn. If it looks, walks, and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck.

Mac’s Golden Rule? Whenever there is any conflict between what a man says and what he does, always, always ignore what he says.

There is no such thing as a man dumping you because he is afraid of getting hurt, is frightened that his feelings are too strong, or because he finds you intimidating. Mac says to think of the simplest solution — is it that this man sensed you were the perfect woman for him, who touched him so much in deep, important places that he couldn’t handle? Or was he just not feeling it?

It’s OK to call him first — and if you get blown off, it’s not because you called first. This is my favorite piece of advice from Mac, who says the mistaken conclusion women come to when they call first post-date and get blown off is that the call made them look clingy and spooked the guy.

“This is not how it went,” says Mac. “If you called him and he blew you off, it went like this:

1. You had a great date, and he did not.

2. He planned to blow you off.

3. You called him, and nothing changed.”

Good to know about the calling part. Men aren’t all that complicated to me. But women are all unique, I readily admit. Robert Stacy McCain wrote a piece about the differences between men and women and this part was especially insightful:

Words like “thoughtful” and “sensitive” describe the qualities necessary to cooperate effectively with women. One must carefully monitor one’s interactions with them, gauge their reactions and adjust accordingly. For most men, and especially for hyper-rationalizing men like Ziegler, this is a terrifying tightrope walk across an abyss.

Most men are not naturally thoughtful and sensitive in that way, and they resent having to devote effort to “relationship management”—a task at which they suck— when it would be a far more productive use of their time to concentrate on doing the things they do best.

And yet, men want access to women so they make the effort, or sometimes do. Many men give up. The benefits of companionship don’t outweigh the challenges the relationship brings.

This natural mysterious back in forth will continue forever. What does disturb is the impulse by feminists to want to remove the masculine. There has been a concerted attempt to demonize typically masculine behavior. Worst of all, many men seem to have conceded the argument. Says McCain:

All we ever hear from them is bitch, bitch, bitch—especially when a man dares call attention to their faults. Gentlemen, you are guilty of cowardice for not speaking out more strongly in your own defense, and in defense of your fellow men.

What I wonder is if the crisis in American leadership can be traced to the crisis in manhood.

Cross-posted at RightWingNews

  • Chalmers

    I would say that this ball started rolling a long time ago and now we are dealing with many unintended consequences (only one of which is a whupped pansy in the Oval Office).

    I can remember more times than I can count women saying that they have either already or will soon finish their “training” of their husband. Or speaking of “letting” their man do things. This is usually laughed at, but in most cases makes the man want to jump off a tall building.

    Emasculating men seems to have become a sport in America, but who pays the higher price? You very rarely hear a single man bemoaning his singleness, but single women are always whining about not being able to find a “good” man.

    I recommend watching last week’s House episode on http://www.hulu.com I think the title of the episode is “Social Contract.” It is an interesting fictional look into the mind of a man who has lost the ability to “filter” his comments…

  • http://blahgwrite.blogspot.com/ Mat

    Melissa,

    Unfortunately, it’s only going to get worse. This started with the Boomers. They then taught the feminine values to their children (GenX & Millenial). The difference that I see between the GenXers and Millenials is that while GenXers were taught this by their parents, the Millenials have gotten inundated by parental guidance, school, media, well pretty much everything.

    At my current job at the university, many of the women act more masculine than the guys (though this is by no means always the case). This isn’t going to go away with the next generation coming up because the “values” are already cemented into society.

  • J David

    There is an article up at Drudge saying that ’07 was a “Baby Boom” year, with a record number of new births, of which over 40% are BASTARDS.

    In those illegitimate numbers is a HUGE number of stupid women who thought they were smarter than the men involved. In the 50+% of divorced women are a huge number of stupid women, who either married the wrong guy(stupid)to begin with, worked overtime to destroy the marriage with various and sundry forms of bitchiness (stupid), or those who intended to loot and pillage the legal union from the beginning (stupid, greedy, dishonest, predatory), with the divorce laws favoring them. Blaming men for their problems is becoming steadily more ludicrous by the day…

  • Steve Altman

    “What I wonder is if the crisis in American leadership can be traced to the crisis in manhood.”
    When I read that quote a light bulb went on! Who currently embodies the leadership qualities most often ascribed to masculinity e.g. courage, vision, honesty, toughness and a get-it-done persistence in the face of obstacles. The Alpha male of our current leaders is a former beauty queen, loving wife to her High School sweetheart, Mother-of five and Grandmother of one, Gov. Sarah Palin!

  • http://punditandpundette.com Jill

    Government schools with their feminizing influence on boys must be greatly to blame for the emasculization of men.

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  • http://watchcenter.blogspot.com Ron Robinson

    I saw a very sad video recently (alas, I don’t remember where, because I found it so revolting) where a clergyman turned to the camera halfway thru an interview and exhorted young men not to break up with their girlfriends. That was enough for me; I surfed on with a vaguely disgusted feeling…

    For 3 or 4 generations now, most fathers, especially ‘educated’ ones, have not made it a priority to try to pass mature masculine values along to their sons. After all, sons no longer spend most of their days in the company of their fathers, grandfathers, uncles, and older cousins. We send them to school instead. Trivial masculine behaviors abound, but deep abiding traditional masculine values seem to be much more rare these days.

    Most of those rare sons who suspect the ‘oversight’ and wish to develop true mature masculine values have quite a task in front of them. Most just clan up and practice laddish behavior and agree to co-sign each others’ BS false masculinity.

    Forging true independent nature masculinity happens fastest in battle. As Gable said, it’s about winning many small battles with honor and not making a big deal about it. Yes, combat does it best, but the many small social battles we fight every day can serve as well; it just takes longer.

    Guys, if your girlfriend is calling up all her chums and bragging all about you, then you are in very deep trouble. In a couple of years she will wail ‘what happened to the man I met??!!??’

    A husband who applies honest husbandry however, can deliver 98-99% of what his woman says she wants, and make it look easy. If he is very clear about the man he has wanted to become and has progressed toward it, then he will also be very clear on the 1-2% where he will never budge – and that is the foundation of his mature masculinity, and his foundation for a successful relationship. With that, a woman can trust him. Without it, she can never trust him; and won’t.

    Visit watchcenter.blogspot.com and click on ‘the men’ in the left menu for links to some phenomenal resources, quotes, stories, reviews and much more discussion of mature masculinity.

  • http://mkfreeberg.webloggin.com Morgan K Freeberg

    In my capacity as the benevolent patriarch of the household, I have decreed (in humor, of course) that my sweetheart m-u-s-t bring me a bottle of beer every time a man on the teevee says something that a real-life man won’t ever, ever, in a million years, ever say.

    And so we’ll be watching “Crossing Jordan” and the Sliders guy will say something like “I’m sorry, sometimes when a relationship is working out too well, I tend to push away” I’ll clear my throat and announce “Sweetie? We’re empty over here.” She takes it in good fun. But so far, I have to go get my own beer. Or call the kid to go after it.

    That thing about men “shutting them out” when they “get too close” is there purely for the benefit of Haagen-Daaz slurping females who prefer fantasy over reality. And they know it, too. It’s never going away.