A Veteran

November 11, 2009 / 12:34 pm • By Dr. Melissa Clouthier

I am a weenie. How big a weenie am I? I am such a big weenie that I’ve struggled with whether I’d have the internal fortitude to shoot an intruder. I’m such a weenie that even in the defense of my own life or my own home, I’m not sure I could do what needed to be done. My cowardice shames me. My fear and lack of resolve–my inability to be sure that I would do the right thing, if pressed–makes me weak. I know this.

And so, I’m full of respect for those who would take up arms and defend a nameless, faceless me, not knowing me, and do it without doubt and with resolution.

A soldier hasn’t formed a relationship with me. He isn’t taking or shooting a bullet because he likes me so much that he wants me to live. Frankly, I worry that if said soldier knew me better he’d step out of the way and let nature take its course. No, a soldier fights and dies for me because he’s defending an idea greater than me: That freedom is worth fighting for and that even my little slice of freedom is worth defending.

I find this profoundly humbling. When I see a soldier stride past me in the airport, on his or her way to do his or her business, I feel a strange mixture: A debt of gratitude that can’t be paid back, pride in their greatness, and humility that they can do what I fear I’m incapable of.

The fact is, I don’t know what I’m capable of and I don’t want to know. I hope to never be tested this way. And yet a soldier or a marine walks toward his or her fears, confronts them, and conquers them.

A Veteran knows things: He knows life is precious, because he’s seen life cut short. He knows life is strange, because those that should die live and those who have the most life sometimes die. He knows life is not easily wrapped up in a box philosophically. He knows that plans fail. He knows there’s such a thing as luck. A veteran chooses his hard lessons and walks toward them.

I am grateful for those who volunteer and serve. Their honor, duty and defense of the weak means I can sit here and type and ponder my character while they go fortify theirs through tough choices and action. Thank you to all who give me this luxury.

Homecoming.

Veteran’s Day: A true celebration.

Ode to a Warrior.

Posted in Military

  • Hershel Kreis

    Melissa, as a veteran, I thank God for people like you! Thanks for your support. I have now been out for almost 20 years, but I am so thankful that there are men and women today that are willing to serve!

    Your Twitter buddy,
    W4TMN

  • http://darthkeller.wordpress.com DarthKeller

    Melissa, thank you for this! It was touching beyond compare. I chose not to serve in the military, not out of some resentment towards the armed forces, but because I was not prepared to make the choices these brave men and women have to make on a daily basis. Because of that, I hold all veterans in the highest respect. So, to all the vets out there, THANK YOU, from the very bottom of my heart, for your service!

  • AllenS

    We serve, because we know, that there are people like you.

  • http://the-pa-in-connection.blogspot.com/ Bob G.

    Dr. Mel:

    Your post here is one of the most inspiring and touching ones I’ve come across.
    I wouldn’t say you display ANY form of cowardice.
    You (as have many others) just have seen fit to show YOUR particular brand of BRAVERY in other pursuits, noble as THEY are.
    Your weapon might not be a rifle, but a stethoscope or a scalpel can save JUST as many lives…lives that can embrace freedom and liberty.
    This post is testimony to that.

    Thank you for having courage to say what should be said…and in such a wonderfully insightful manner.

  • http://jigsawsthoughts.blogspot.com/ julie

    well said!

  • http://oldnfo.blogspot.com Old NFO

    Thank you for remembering, and your honesty!

  • http://twocatsandahornet.blogspot.com Lorimor

    You are too hard on yourself. You’re not a coward. You’ve obviously taken on life’s responsibilities head on and met the challenge.

    The decision as to whether or not you could you could defend yourself is not a question of “guts.” It’s a deeply personal question that only you can answer. Self defense is serious business which obviously should be taken seriously.

    I would suggest going to http://www.thunderranchinc.com, get the email addy and email Heidi. Or even call their phone number. Talk to her. She may be able to help you out with some very sound advice. She’s a real sweetheart and I’m sure would be more than happy to help you chart a path.

    Best of luck and THANK YOU!