Karen Pryor’s book ‘Don’t Shoot the Dog’ is not so much about dog training as it is using operant conditioning/clicker training in any area you want to modify behavior, wether of a person or animal. You won’t use a clicker of course, but some other substitute.

Caesar Milan has his schtick and it seems to work well with him, so more power to him I say. I don’t have cable and have only flipped through his books so it’s a little hard to critique him, but the principles underlying his methods seem pretty standard stuff. The specific methods, again mostly standard stuff, some of which I use. Some of the methods seem to fall in the category of what Job Michael Evans called ‘superstitious’ training methods – his own specific twist on how to do a method.

My parents had five boys and me. All of us would agree that it was more painful to get “a good talking to” from our dad (who didn’t spank, as a rule) than it was to get a spanking from our mom (who didn’t hold back from spanking us). When I was a kid, the teachers all had paddles…..and would use them…..but I would have to say the discipline I remember most strongly is when I was taken into the hall, as a sixth grader, by three teachers and given a lecture by all three at once.

I don’t think spanking, per se, is abuse…..but I do think it is “shorthand”. By the same token, a parent shouldn’t be willing to “negotiate” things with kids very often, so I’ve found you are also right that parents should be “firm” with their children.

I think you’re right about definitions, but the family make-up has changed over the years, too. There are more split families, more single-parenthood, more kids without fathers in the home, etc. It’s probably a combination of factors.

Being consistent is absolutely necessary. And firm. I believe a lot of “spankers” in the previous generation resorted to physical punishment as a shorthand for explicit expectations and consistent follow-through.

I fit with you Mel, my parents were strict on discipline. It got to the point where my dad didn’t have to say anything, he just had to look at me a certain way and I knew, whatever I was doing at the moment, I need to stop doing it!

Too often parent frustration can disintegrate into yelling or hitting. Then, instead of core values, what they are teaching is fear and domination. I agree with Lisa that consistency in parenting is essential. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and always follow through.

Parents become positive role models by walking their talk. As parents attempt to instill the skills and attitudes that children ultimately need to be ready to go out into the world and live on their own, hopefully, they can also demonstrating the kind of wisdom and self-control necessary for these children to successfully parent the next generation.

I have to say that I groaned when I read your headline because I am totally opposed to people treating their kids like mere pets… but after reading and thinking about it, I thought I should put in my two cents about how young parents actually can benefit from learning dog training. I’m not familiar with the “Dog Whisperer” at all. I do watch Victoria Stillwell (It’s Me or the Dog) and trust me, it’s not as easy as she makes it look….but if you watch Victoria, you’ll learn something about the importance of consistency and self-discipline. Parents today are sorely lacking in these two areas. A dog has only a two-second attention span and communication with a dog is more difficult, obviously, than with a person. My view is that if parents learn how to train a dog, it can actually have the effect of “training” the parent. You can’t train a dog unless you are consistent and have the self-discipline to be consistent at all times. If you commit to dog training, it can teach YOU how to be consistent and self-disciplined. This would, I think, translate into a person becoming a better parent.

DON’T treat the kid like a dog! Do get a dog and learn how to train it to teach yourself self-discipline and consistency so that these qualities will come much easier for you in dealing with your children.

I recommend Pat Miller’s book on Positive Dog Training. Any dog will do for this purpose, but do be sure to choose a dog that will fit well with your family.