Twilight New Moon: 36 Hours Until Premiere

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Just sayin’. And for your pleasure, a teaser. Don’t be a hater. You hate what you don’t understand.

And a pre-review review:

And for those of you who think I’m hijacking John Hawkin’s righteous right wing rantings, consider this payback for all the ranking hot girl pieces he’s done.

Edward Cullen is teh hawt. That is all.

Captain Future’s Plan For A Better Tomorrow

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

You know those light poles in England that line the streets? The old iron ones that survived the Luftwaffe and would probably survive a loaded cement truck driving into them, yeah those? Word to the wise: Don’t walk at full speed into them head first. Yeah, I did that on the bonny streets of London a couple decades back and as my friend japed, “the light post never recovered.”

Hey, just because I’m an uncoordinated bumbling buffoon….

Well, now there’s news, via Futurepundit (who, I must say I picture as wearing silver-rimmed goggles and a shiny cape on the top of the Chrysler building scanning the horizon for …..dramatic, soaring musack here….The Future–I know, I’m on the internet waaaaaay too much), that dumbasses like me are running into things because they are looking down at their phones texting. Being future oriented, he has a solution:

The texters would be less dangerous to themselves and others if they didn’t have to look down to see the screen. What is needed: Head Up Display Glasses tied to a cell phone. Then one could look ahead and see the text mixed in with sidewalk or whatever else is in front of you.

But how to type when walking? Avoid the need to type with voice recognition software. Except, people can hear you then. How to maintain the privacy that typing provides? The in-brain implant cell phone that “The Phone Company” tried to convince The President’s Analyst (1967 with James Coburn) to tell the US President to allow transplanted into everyone’s brain.

Another alternative: develop a drug that breaks down the text messaging addiction.

Now why would Captain Future ruin all the fun with a drug to break down the addiction? I like the in-brain implant idea way better. Also, I’d have less of a chance rear-ending the idiots who come to a complete freaking stop, for no reason whatsoever, on the interstate while I fiddle with the radio dial while struggling to find a radio station, or even better, some Ryan Seacrest inspired, pop-music treacle, onto my car stereo. I could think the song into being. How cool would that be?

Brain implant, good. Brain on lamp post, bad. Brain on windshield, fatal.

H/T Instapundit

Cross-posted at RightWingNews

Facial Plastic Surgery Is A Slippery Slope…Literally

Monday, July 28th, 2008

After seeing everyone from Joan Rivers to Madonna manage their aging faces, I have come to the conclusion that facial plastic surgery does not work. Well, if your definition of beautiful is a strangely shiny and taught skin and bizarrely jutting cheekbones, it works. Otherwise, it’s just plain freaky.

Madonna was never the most beautiful woman, but she wasn’t ugly. She had an interesting face, nice skin and expressive eyes. But, look at her now. Her face is just…..wrong.

Meanwhile aging gracefully never looked so good. I wonder, though, if she’s had work too or is her beauty just good genetics?

I’m thinking that plastic surgery, especially for the face, is something to avoid.

Men are no better. Ew!

Cross-posted at RightWingNews

I Want To Ride My Bicycle How I Like

Thursday, July 17th, 2008

Another dude, and his team, gets the boot from competing in the Tour because he tests positive for EPO. Says the manager:

The team manager, Claudio Corti, said: “We’re absolutely stunned by what’s happening and by the behaviour of one of our riders. He seems to have secretly used banned substances, hiding everything from everybody in the team.”

Oh, puhleeeze. Does anyone believe that?

It seems like the time of drug free competition ended some time back in the 70s when Eastern European “women” looked like Arnold Schwartzenager. In fact, I think Arnold is really a woman….a really buff woman.

Too much time and effort go into testing these yahoos. If people want to kill themselves to ride their bicycle faster, I say more power to them. What say you?

Professional athletes should:
NOT be allowed to use performance enhancing drugs.
use whatever they can to get a competitive advantage. free polls

Cross-posted at Right Wing News