Relationships are difficult. I’m here to help. Here’s some words of wisdom to keep your relationship from turning dull and boring:
1. Keep the mystery alive–Too many people reveal too much too often. Why share where you’re going or what you’re doing or who you’re with. A little doubt keeps things spicy.
2. Call rarely–It’s so annoying to have your work interrupted by mindless blather about nothing. One of the biggest myths is that your significant other actually cares what you’re thinking about when you’re chomping your food on your lunch hour. Newsflash! No one cares.
3. Retreat from conflict–People often deal with conflict by trying to resolve it and talk it out. This can be a big mistake. Most likely, the things you fight about today are the things you’re going to fight about forever. Don’t resolve it. Accept it. Stay away for as long as possible. The other person will eventually get tired of being angry.
4. Don’t expect your spouse to meet your sexual needs–You should know that the best sex of your life happened before you got married or moved in together. You didn’t get married for sex. You got married for companionship, bill-sharing and maybe having a kid or two. Having sexual expectations is just setting yourself up for disappointment. Let it go.
5. Spend time cultivating interests that don’t include your spouse–One of the biggest problems in marriages is that people think they should do stuff together. Why? If you like golf, and your wife hates it, well, she’ll just have to get over it and understand that golf makes you happy. If she likes shopping, she needs to do it when it’s convenient for her. Her man will understand. Togetherness is overrated.
6. Don’t change–Be you. Until you’re your true, unchecked self, you can’t really be free. Trying to get rid of annoying habits or irritating traits is just energy wasted. A true partner will love you no matter what.
7. Don’t apologize–True love means never having to say you’re sorry. Why should anyone expect an apology? You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got and if the person doesn’t understand it, they have the limited world-view, not you. Saying you’re sorry is for sissies. Men are emasculated enough. Women cow-tow to men too often. Stop apologizing!
8. Don’t give tokens of affection–Materialism in all its guises is just manipulation. Don’t do it. A person who needs concrete proof of love is superficial and not worth your time anyway. True love doesn’t need to be spoken or given or shared. Rings are just that–symbolic. Who needs symbols? The real thing is just understood.
9. Ignore special dates–Again, this is just a manifestation of artificial constraints imposed by society. Every day is special! Why focus on birthdays or anniversaries? They are days like any other and it’s ridiculous that people have expectations of gifts or kindness on those days.
10. Stop saying “I love you”–The words become vain and meaningless after a while. True love doesn’t need constant reinforcement. True love just “knows”. If your partner needs to hear the words, well, that’s just too demanding. Who needs demanding in an intimate relationship? Forget it and move on.
Some of these pieces of advice might seem unconventional, but really, relationships are cracking under the pressure of inane expectations. People want too much, expect too much and just generally put too much faith in other human beings. There is no perfect partner out there. You can’t be the perfect partner. Why try? Just be yourself and the person right for you will find you and love you just the way you are. That’s true love and the world needs more of it.
I was sent the following article by someone who remembered my April Fools post about what men need to do to keep their relationship hot. That article set off the most bizarre set of circumstances. People believed I was serious. Men sent me adoring letters and thanked me for sharing the truth. It was amusing and disturbing all at once.
So a new book “Manslations” has been released. Here’s a snippet of a review from CNN:
Actions speak louder than words. Sure, not a novel idea, but this “duh” lesson is one that can take years to learn. If it looks, walks, and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck.
Mac’s Golden Rule? Whenever there is any conflict between what a man says and what he does, always, always ignore what he says.
There is no such thing as a man dumping you because he is afraid of getting hurt, is frightened that his feelings are too strong, or because he finds you intimidating. Mac says to think of the simplest solution — is it that this man sensed you were the perfect woman for him, who touched him so much in deep, important places that he couldn’t handle? Or was he just not feeling it?
It’s OK to call him first — and if you get blown off, it’s not because you called first. This is my favorite piece of advice from Mac, who says the mistaken conclusion women come to when they call first post-date and get blown off is that the call made them look clingy and spooked the guy.
“This is not how it went,” says Mac. “If you called him and he blew you off, it went like this:
1. You had a great date, and he did not.
2. He planned to blow you off.
3. You called him, and nothing changed.”
Good to know about the calling part. Men aren’t all that complicated to me. But women are all unique, I readily admit. Robert Stacy McCain wrote a piece about the differences between men and women and this part was especially insightful:
Words like “thoughtful” and “sensitive” describe the qualities necessary to cooperate effectively with women. One must carefully monitor one’s interactions with them, gauge their reactions and adjust accordingly. For most men, and especially for hyper-rationalizing men like Ziegler, this is a terrifying tightrope walk across an abyss.
Most men are not naturally thoughtful and sensitive in that way, and they resent having to devote effort to “relationship management”—a task at which they suck— when it would be a far more productive use of their time to concentrate on doing the things they do best.
And yet, men want access to women so they make the effort, or sometimes do. Many men give up. The benefits of companionship don’t outweigh the challenges the relationship brings.
This natural mysterious back in forth will continue forever. What does disturb is the impulse by feminists to want to remove the masculine. There has been a concerted attempt to demonize typically masculine behavior. Worst of all, many men seem to have conceded the argument. Says McCain:
All we ever hear from them is bitch, bitch, bitch—especially when a man dares call attention to their faults. Gentlemen, you are guilty of cowardice for not speaking out more strongly in your own defense, and in defense of your fellow men.
What I wonder is if the crisis in American leadership can be traced to the crisis in manhood.
Cross-posted at RightWingNews